Proirities

So much to say. I am thankful beyond measure for JM and how he has served through the preaching of the word over the past two Sundays. I have been continuously convicted. I am not meek, I do not mourn. I want to change(well, sort of), but find myself believing the lie that greater pleasure lies elsewhere. Yesterday I was so struck with a desire to mourn that I really felt like an Israelite. I wanted to don the sackcloth and sit in my living room until the fullness of my sin was upon me. I wanted my two children to bear witness to me, so that they might also understand the vileness of sin. I used to read in the Old Testament about this activity (donning the sackcloth and ashes) and thought it was a ridiculous thing. I mean, who does that? What's the point? Aren't they just crying for pity...doing this to be seen by others? Well, I think yesterday the appeal to me was that I wanted to be humbled by demonstration of my wretchedness before God and my family. In any case, I didn't go through with it. :-) In case you were wondering.

I do want my heart to remain there. Go farther in fact. We really are cast on the mercy of Christ at all times. He is, in fact, so merciful that even when we tout His great mercy as our own accomplishment, He has greater mercy still to show us what we are doing against His Name. Wow.


To APPEND:

I want to confess that I am losing steam on the "schedule". Pray for me. Also, I am losing the battle with impatience a little more often these days. Finally, there is a college overnight retreat coming up at the end of this month (girls only) that I am sort of, well, basically in charge of. Much grace is needed, as I still have not begun work on what I am to say. I do have a vague idea...biblical womanhood. Such a small topic, I know. :-)

Habit...

I don't really have anything spectacular to report, I am just trying to keep up this "habit" of blogging. I am planning my flower beds this week. And (if I get really ambitious) my veggie beds as well. Also, I have begun reading a book by Paul...er that is, John Bunyan called The Holy War. I am only on Chapter 3, but so far, a great read.

JM and I continue to grow in our adjustment to the new life. I primarily speak of his job and consequent schedule change.

I would covet your prayers on behalf of a new friend of ours. A man named Keith. He is searching hard for a job. He has an interview today at 4:00. Please pray for him.

Appendix A: Not Pregnant

Sorry for the confusion...haha, I didn't even think that it sounds as if I am talking as though I WAS pregnant. I am not pregnant. Or as my friends call it, I am not prego. :-)

Quick Notes

Johnmark had his first day as an intern yesterday.

We are both attempting to read through the whole Bible this year (his goal is to finish in 6 months).


My anxiety about having another baby is growing for the following reasons:
1. we are entering a tremendously busy season of life, so I am lacking faith for the added responsibility
2. we are not clear on our financial horizon, due to some "complications" with our insurance situation
3. on that note, I am not sure that we will be able to use the same mid-wives that I have used with my other two, which would be out of the question in my mind
4. logistically, I can't imagine managing three on Sundays with JM's added responsibilities at church. Also, with Tabby starting school more formally this fall, I am again certain I will be staggerring to find time to manage the home.

I think that many of these problems would be present at any time, and if not these, then some other version of them. What is important is determining God's will. And please don't misunderstand. I really desire to have another baby. I wouldn't dream of facing these challenges apart from these two things. It is a matter of prayer.

Quarrelsome.
A word to describe JM and (moreso) me over the past week

Encouragement(s)
Susan B.'s prayer for our care group.
The kind congratulations of many in the church with regard to the internship
The "Schedule" is working
Karen's kind offer to help me with the house in preparation for our first care group meeting

JM has continued to be intentional about taking the children for me when I am crashing in the evenings, or when I need a few minutes of work, uninterrupted. Last night, B&N. Yesterday afternoon, the trampoline.

Finally, PRAISE THE LORD for His mercy on our nation by healing Al Mohler!

Happy New Year, etc.

Well, Colorado was very cold. In spite of that, I must confess it was a great trip. I can't quite call it a vacation, because I am learning that young mommies don't really have those. Although, one of the nights we were gone, my parents graciously agreed to watch the kids and JM took me out on a very romantic and sweet date. We walked around the snowy village (in big, warm, furry coats...well mine was furry) and held hands and got lost, but then eventually found our way to this rustic lodge of a restaurant. An Italian cabin, I suppose. The food and wine were molto benne. Actually, I don't recall seeing that written before, did I spell it right? Anyone? Well, anyway, wonderful night. Stopped off at Starbucks and enjoyed one another's company some more and went home so happy and relaxed. What a night!

I did ski. No, I don't prefer to ski. But Vail has the best ski slopes in the world, so I certainly can't be ungrateful for that, and yes, I did ski the black diamonds a couple of times. I like the lazy blues that best though...
Tabitha (as in, my three year old daughter) skiied. She loved it. She hated it. She was so darn cute in that ski outfit. So, I suppose she will want to go again. Titus did not dig the snow. (Good man!) He spent most of his time watching videos and eating fudge in the condo with me, JM, or my mom. Bet you can't guess who fed him the fudge...

Also, my favorite feature...the outdoor hot tub. My hair got just a little wet on the ends one night when we were in there. A few minutes later, it was frozen. Frozen hair, boiling toes. So bizarre. The best part is running from the tub back to the door into the building. Wet. Wrapped in a frozen towel and icy flip flops and of course a big furry coat. Giggling all the way. JM did it barefoot. No wonder he got sick. :-)

That's all for now.

the 4-1-1

Just a quick note to give the illusion that I do post regularly *ahem, Sherri...

First of all, Merry Christmas, and I sincerely hope no one reads my blog tomorrow, because you have MUCH better things to do. Now, we are leaving for Colorado on Christmas Day and will return on New Year's Eve. Take care and we'll see you next year!

NEW POST, YAY!

How about a stream of conciousness post?

Christmas...my grandma's cookies...well, not really cookies...the best...Tabby likes to make them...ten million Christmas cards...how many will I forget...Our picture was wrong this year.

Sin...so exposed on holidays...I hate that...I need that...can't I just get rid of sin?...pride...God opposes that...thankfully, it can be conquered...will it happen this side of eternity...probably not...wait, where's my faith...okay, maybe...definitely if He says so...help me struggle and put to death my sin, Lord!

House...dirty,dirty,dirty,...so why am I blogging...am I being selfish?...fear of man, perhaps...lazy?...just want to communicate I am still alive...yes that, I'll go with C. C is for Cookie...or Christmas.

I almost died today

This morning I woke up mad. I was mad because I heard both kids crying and it was pitch black dark and the LAST thing I wanted to do was get out of my warm cozy bed and go fight with them to dress change and feed them. I was completely impatient with my daughter and when she disobeyed me, I spanked her leg without explanation and ended up making things much worse. She is fairly dramatic, like her mother. (Side note: I do believe in disciplining my children through the God-ordained method of spanking; however, discipline of this sort MUST be done with the Gospel in mind, done with loving correction. My child should not sense MY anger, but the anger of a righteous God, and should be instructed by His truth and the salvation He offers through Jesus Christ that saves my children from sin's ultimate punishment. I would consider my actions this morning with regard to spanking Tabby an abuse of my authority, and definitely sinful on my part). So here I was with my sin and my two sinful children, trying to make things work by my own power, and in particular, through the forcefulness of my anger. Now, let's reflect for a minute on why I was angry (or who I was angry with). Was it my children? Sure, they had caused the inconvenience of me getting out of bed and dealing with moderately sick, very grumpy kids. But really, was MY anger THEIR fault? No. I was choosing anger because I wanted my own comfort and ease. I was mad at the One who sovereignly works all things for His glory and my good. I was not giving glory to God in the midst of my morning. I wanted to glorify myself and my needs. Even later on the phone as I was confessing my sin to JM, I noticed that I kept talking about how difficult the children were making it for me. So, I still hadn't learned my lesson. Well, I decided that I needed to read the Bible to help focus my day. I have been reading in Deuteronomy lately. Today was chapter 17. I will only quote a couple of verses, but here is what I read,
"If there is found among you, within any of your towns that the LORD your God is giving you, a man or woman who does what is evil in the sight of the LORD your God, in transgressing his covenant, and has gone and served other gods and worshiped them, or the sun or the moon or any of the host of heaven, which I have forbidden, and it is told you and you hear of it, then you shall inquire diligently, and if it is true and certain that such an abomination has been done in Israel, then you shall bring out to your gates that man or woman who has done this evil thing, and you shall stone that man or woman to death with stones."
Deu 17:2-5

So, granted I was not worshipping the sun or moon, but I was definitely worshipping my bed and rest (and actually, MYSELF) over the Lord and His calling on my life as a mother and servant of His Kingdom. What really got me was this: What is written above is the law of the Lord, something fulfilled through Jesus Christ. By His grace I am no longer under that law. However, there is also mentioned several times in the New Testament a need and requirement of having that same law written on my heart. Living with the principles of this law as my guide for godliness. Even as I am typing, I would say that I do not feel the anguish of my sin against God to the degree that this law punishes. Indeed, my heart would tell me I am light years from deserving to be stoned to death, much less suffering the eternal wrath of God in the confines of hell. What foolish things feelings can be sometimes. I pray that the Lord arrests my heart with this truth, that I may be in agony over my sin and truly TRULY repent (and turn) of it.

Thank God for John Piper!

I was just heartily zinged by this article, which comes from John Piper's website, Desiring God Ministries. Specifically, I thought about this morning when Tabitha (my three year old) was trying to ask me something related to where she would sit at breakfast, and I interrrupted her several times and forcefully gave my predetermined answer. Now, I knew something wasn't quite "godly" about what I was doing, but would not have been able to pinpoint it so well as Piper outlined in this brief article. I am gratefully convicted, in particular of my own arrogance, rudeness, and lack of thoughtful concern for my daughter's words and their value. I want to teach her patience, kindness, and that words do have value and meaning, as well as the thoughts behind them. By squelching her questions (and trust me, this morning was not the first time!) I am not teaching her any of those things, and by my own example I am damaging her thoughts as to the value of her words, and the value of lis-ten-ing
(as I so often question whether she is listening to me).

Wisdom

I have been wanting to do a topical study on thanksgiving, and so I would first like to ask a question...Does anyone know of a good book designed to expose the topic of thanksgiving and gratitude in the Bible? Besides the Bible? I always grapple with study guides because in one sense I feel they are lazy. In another sense, I want to humble myself and learn from whatever means of grace the Lord provides. So, there's my two cents about that.

Now, why is this post titled "Wisdom"? Because, it is a much easier topical study in the Bible. Hello Proverbs! Anyway, I have just finished the chapter on Wisdom as an attribute of God in the book "Knowing God" (see earlier post). More than anything, it made me hungry for the Word of God, and in particular, the Old Testament. Suprising? It was to me. I mean, I like the OT, but it can be more challenging to stay with a study of, say, I Chronicles than to study the book of James. You know? But wisdom is found in both places, and I would say the "fear of the Lord" variety of wisdom is easier to come by in the OT. At least, that's my current opinion. I am open to teaching and discussion there as well. I suppose that's all for now.

Newly Obsessed with Baking Soda

...and vinegar. I have been cleaning my house with this stuff like mad! I feel so liberated from stinky Lysol and Windex! Ha! AND I am saving money. Double HA! It all started with the carpet in the kids' room. Filthy. What were we thinking laying white carpet. Well, not white-white, more like semi-off-white...but still. The carpet was doing tolerably until the diaper-rash-cream-baptism-event courtesy of my little Tabitha. It never recovered. Desitin. Oil-based and deadly. The carpet became a magnet for dirt. The soap I had used to try and clean it (Dawn...hey, it cuts grease on dishes?? creatvity points, anyone?) also attracted dirt like a magnet, but miraculously, it attracted a slightly different shade of dirt. So you could clearly see where the mess was, as well as where I had attempted to clean it up. Did I mention this is the section of the carpet right by the doorway? So yeah, people were probably afraid to let their kids play on our floor, for fear that the carpet might EAT them. Fast forward about two years. Enter baking soda (and vinegar). Bye bye Desitin! So, I wondered to myself as I perused the back label of the 5 pound bag of baking soda I just got at Sam's...what else can this miracle powder do? Basically, I have decided, baking soda does for my house what the internet did for computers. And, I learned a fabulous little trick with vinegar that caused me to spontaneously throw away my Windex and Squeegee forever. 1/4 cup vinegar plus one cup of water plus one empty spray bottle. Add newspaper and the bathroom mirror. You know the one...that large streaky monster that you hate to clean because you end up squatting halfway on the countertop with one foot in the sink (which you now have to re-clean) and still, STILL it looks streaky and fudgy after you are finished. But you try again each week. That was me. Now I am doing the happy dance on Thursday when the free edition of the Watkinsville newspaper comes to my mailbox. Yah-hoo!

Another Day

I am trying to work my way back into this "consistent posting" thing, so bear with me. I am utterly shocked by the fact that October is only two days away...

How the gospel has been working in my life lately: may I first share His Grace!!! I have truly seen a change in the way I relate to my children. Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! I cannot tell you how grateful my heart is to see this fruit begin to take shape in my life. Patience, joy, kindness, and yes, even self-control. I know that these changes are not in my own power or my own heart; rather, they are a work of the power of Christ's resurrection, manifest by the Spirit's conquering presence in my soul. They are a gift from God Himself. Please don't hear that I am finished with the fight. I know I have FAR to go in terms of overcoming the sins of impatience, anger, selfishness, and rude behavior. I am just freshly aware of the Lord's kindness and victory in my life in these areas. I have truly enjoyed mothering my two children. I have not been as impatient and short-tempered with them. I have not been harsh with them when they turn out to be foolish and clumsy. These may sound like small things to you, but for me they are monumental. I pray that His grace would continue to reign in this area of my life. My faith is so built! Thank you, Lord!

...and now I remeber why I hate spiders.

Yesterday, I was walking along my garden and noticed that same green spider in the same flower as when I took the picture on Monday. Well, about ten minutes later I glanced over and saw that "loathsome creature" (to quote J. Edwards) hanging upside down under the petals of my pink zinnia and sucking the blood out of a bumblebee that it was holding with its gruesome extra legs. And to think, I even considered posting on my blog that I thought that spider was kind of cool. In that moment, I had before my eyes a living picture of the power of sin. I had been fooled into believing that this spider was nice because it was pretty and didn't have a web like those big nasty banana spiders that hang around. It was a garden spider, helpful to my flowers by keeping away pests. HA! BUMBLEBEES ARE HELPFUL, SPIDERS ARE MURDERERS!!! I decided to relax my spider theory because this spider was different, a kind I had never seen before. But it does the same reprehensible act that all spiders do (besides having too many legs); it lives by sucking the blood out of other creatures. If that is not a picture of sin, I don't know what is. What kind of creature lives off of blood? Ick, yuck, and nastiness!!! I think I will go outside and spray that awful thing down with Lysol. And then possibly light a match.

SPIDER

I took this picture a few minutes ago in my garden. For those of you who know how scared I am of spiders and how STINKIN close you have to get to a spider to take a picture like this, be amazed. Taking dominion, folks.

Holy Helper

Just a little life update to begin. Tabitha turns three on Saturday. I wish the implications of that statement could somehow be published alongside it. But I am actually too tired to post a picture of myself making the face I make when I think about it too long. I am sure whoever is reading this post can imagine. Actually, I wonder if anyone ever does read it anymore...I have all but abandoned my little blog. Which leads me to my next point...why I am posting.
I have been reading a book called Knowing God
which has been wonderful. The chapter I just finished is about the Holy Spirit. It has really humbled me (which I always need). As a wife, I can struggle with being subject to my husband's authority. I pray that I never succumb to that temptation ever again. Because of the tremendous example found in Christ Himself, I should look to service and submission as true greatness, a sweet communion with my Savior. Second, there is the work of the Holy Spirit, who is not only subject to God the Father, but also is subject to Christ. AND the work of the Spirit is to be a helper to saints and further the work done by Christ as He dwelt breifly among us. It is mind boggling to me that GOD would choose to give that kind of 24/7 personal, sacrificial (at least in my opinion) care and oversight to me. Me the struggling housewife who gets in a huff if the fact that the floor was recently swept goes unnoticed by my family (and by unnoticed I mean that no one breaks down emotionally over the amazing and selfless servant that I am to the rest of the group.) I am indeed a wretched sinner in need of a Savior, a Father, and a Divine Helper. Thank you God, for grace, freedom, and the hope of heaven!!!

Thanksgiving

God is continuing to work on my heart in terms of giving thanks to Him. My step-mom would often call me "ungrateful" when I was younger. Most of the time I didn't care when she said it (to my shame). But as my heart is informed by Scripture, I am starting to call myself ungrateful. How often are two things mentioned beside thanksgiving in Scripture: prayer and obedience. I feel that I cannot grow well in these two areas without first addressing my lack of thankfulness towards my Savior. Even though I could maintain (perhaps) a general demeanor of gratitude based on my desire to serve the Lord, etc. ( This is by the way, the excuse my husband uses when he takes his first bite of a meal before we have prayed. "I maintain a constant state of thankfulness", I believe is a direct quote.) , it is still mandated in Scripture to pray with thanksgiving, most often when we are commanded to pray without ceasing. I know that kind of thanksgiving (as well as that kind of prayer) doesn't just happen. It requires cultivation. Am I pursuing thankfulness the way I pursue other things of the Lord? I certainly want to grow in this area.

Brevity

Today I turn twenty five years old. In about two hours...so technically I am not quite a quarter of a century old yet. Unexpectedly, my husband arranged for my mother-in-law to take the kids until tomorrow night. I am thrilled to have some time alone, with no demands...except for from our brand new puppy, Belle. How will I spend the time? Again, the answer I expected has not come. Last night as I fell asleep (which didn't take long after an evening of Dutch Blitz and maragritas with some friends), I contemplated the time and how I had so many little hobbies and projects that I wanted to spend my day enjoying. This morning as I was wiping down the counter, God arrested my heart. You see, last night on the way home from dropping off the kids, JM and I listened to a message by John Piper about Adoniram Judson. This man's life was wrent with tragedy, yet he persevered and served the Lord until the day he died. Consequently, there has been much reaping from his work in India...I would encourage you to research this man's life and death. Piper argues that Judon's unwavering belief in the sovereignty of God was fundamental in his ability to cope with the excessive death and destruction that surrounded his life. As I wiped down my countertop, the same sovereign God spoke to my heart and reminded me that he had also ordered my life. He had chosen for me to hear that message last night on the way home from leaving my kids with my mom-in-law. He had granted me this "free" time today. Had I even asked Him what to do with it? Or had I selfishly made my own comfortable, enjoyable plans...after all, it's my bi

Its Official...

I am now Aunt Taylor...hmm, maybe I need a nickname. Anyway, her name is Amelia Suzanne Battaglia and she is almost two days old!

Never Time

Will the whirlwind ever stop? I can't really tell from here, but this morning (as with every other morning I can remember for a long while) I am tired. We are hosting several and various college students in our home of late, and, in addition to mothering two wee ones, attempting to cook, clean, and care for guests and maintain something of a marriage :-) I am really tired. Don't get me wrong, JM and I are having the time of our lives; I personally really love having so many people around, I just wish I could have the energy that Tabitha does all the time. Okay, so why am I blogging? First of all, because I just walked into the office looking for the Swiffer and I realized the golden oppurtunity before me. No one needs me right now. Second, because I feel tremendous blogger's guilt for not writing in so long. And third, perhaps most importantly...I have something to say. :-) Recently, I have been quite convicted about the lack of thanksgiving on my lips and in my prayers. So, I am desirous to change there. 1 Corinthians talks about the gift of tongues and within the idea that one of the primary purposes of tongues is to speak thanks to God for self-edification. Now I have understood for some time the concept of tongues as a form of intercessory prayer and have seen the Lord move powerfully in that particular Spirit manifestation. Unfortunately, I don't think I've ever recognized tongues as a mode of giving thanks to God. Consequently, I don't know that I have ever really meditated on God's character and actions toward me long enough to be provoked to speak in tongues of thanksgiving. And that, my friends, is sad. I desire a heart that bursts open with thanksgiving to God. So there is indeed some idol smashing to be done in me. Lord, help me not to love this world more than you! I desire to know Your face, and to be truly in love with You. I want to be more thankful for You, God!

Just a minute...

So, I am shamefully overdue with this blog...yipe! Well, in the midst of five weddings and a baby or two this spring (the babies aren't mine consequently), I am not finding a lot of free time for deep thought. Or really lengthy shallow thought either. Although I had quite and interesting conversation with my husband and some friends over the moral issue of plant ownership. Maybe I'll get into that some other time. I did want to post about something the Lord has shown me is a big struggle for me, and that is prayer in solitude. I tend to prefer to pray with someone else or a group of people, and I really sense the Lord meeting me in those times. However, when I am alone and (as is often the case lately) distracted or tired, that time can be dry and difficult. I have had seasons of life when I just desire time alone with the Lord, meditating on His goodness and character and sensing His pleasure and presence with me. So, by default, I know who has moved, and it must be me. Now, don't get me wrong, I know that the Lord, although generous with His Spirit, is under no obligation to make the sensing of His Spirit an essential or even customary element to prayer. I think if I spent more time appreciating the value of the fact that I can even enter into the presence of the Lord at any time (or at all) then I might be more humble and more grateful for this Mighty Savior whom I serve. All this to say that I am in pursuit of Him in this area of my life.

As an aside, I also am so thankful for our pastor and his faithfulness to bring truth to us each week and challenge and direct us to our Lord. Had a wonderful sermon about love on Sunday, and in particular I was affected by the following:

(1 Cor. 13 description of love has just been read)

"If you are here today saying I want to be loved like that, then you've missed it. You're ALREADY loved like that!! Look to the cross, you've already been loved like that. But as it says in the next few verses, 'Pursue love' ; You are meant to love others in the way that you have already been loved! "

Okay so that's probably not a perfect, word for word up there, but certainly it is the essence of what Paul was trying to communicate. Can I get an amen?