I almost died today

This morning I woke up mad. I was mad because I heard both kids crying and it was pitch black dark and the LAST thing I wanted to do was get out of my warm cozy bed and go fight with them to dress change and feed them. I was completely impatient with my daughter and when she disobeyed me, I spanked her leg without explanation and ended up making things much worse. She is fairly dramatic, like her mother. (Side note: I do believe in disciplining my children through the God-ordained method of spanking; however, discipline of this sort MUST be done with the Gospel in mind, done with loving correction. My child should not sense MY anger, but the anger of a righteous God, and should be instructed by His truth and the salvation He offers through Jesus Christ that saves my children from sin's ultimate punishment. I would consider my actions this morning with regard to spanking Tabby an abuse of my authority, and definitely sinful on my part). So here I was with my sin and my two sinful children, trying to make things work by my own power, and in particular, through the forcefulness of my anger. Now, let's reflect for a minute on why I was angry (or who I was angry with). Was it my children? Sure, they had caused the inconvenience of me getting out of bed and dealing with moderately sick, very grumpy kids. But really, was MY anger THEIR fault? No. I was choosing anger because I wanted my own comfort and ease. I was mad at the One who sovereignly works all things for His glory and my good. I was not giving glory to God in the midst of my morning. I wanted to glorify myself and my needs. Even later on the phone as I was confessing my sin to JM, I noticed that I kept talking about how difficult the children were making it for me. So, I still hadn't learned my lesson. Well, I decided that I needed to read the Bible to help focus my day. I have been reading in Deuteronomy lately. Today was chapter 17. I will only quote a couple of verses, but here is what I read,
"If there is found among you, within any of your towns that the LORD your God is giving you, a man or woman who does what is evil in the sight of the LORD your God, in transgressing his covenant, and has gone and served other gods and worshiped them, or the sun or the moon or any of the host of heaven, which I have forbidden, and it is told you and you hear of it, then you shall inquire diligently, and if it is true and certain that such an abomination has been done in Israel, then you shall bring out to your gates that man or woman who has done this evil thing, and you shall stone that man or woman to death with stones."
Deu 17:2-5

So, granted I was not worshipping the sun or moon, but I was definitely worshipping my bed and rest (and actually, MYSELF) over the Lord and His calling on my life as a mother and servant of His Kingdom. What really got me was this: What is written above is the law of the Lord, something fulfilled through Jesus Christ. By His grace I am no longer under that law. However, there is also mentioned several times in the New Testament a need and requirement of having that same law written on my heart. Living with the principles of this law as my guide for godliness. Even as I am typing, I would say that I do not feel the anguish of my sin against God to the degree that this law punishes. Indeed, my heart would tell me I am light years from deserving to be stoned to death, much less suffering the eternal wrath of God in the confines of hell. What foolish things feelings can be sometimes. I pray that the Lord arrests my heart with this truth, that I may be in agony over my sin and truly TRULY repent (and turn) of it.