I almost died today

This morning I woke up mad. I was mad because I heard both kids crying and it was pitch black dark and the LAST thing I wanted to do was get out of my warm cozy bed and go fight with them to dress change and feed them. I was completely impatient with my daughter and when she disobeyed me, I spanked her leg without explanation and ended up making things much worse. She is fairly dramatic, like her mother. (Side note: I do believe in disciplining my children through the God-ordained method of spanking; however, discipline of this sort MUST be done with the Gospel in mind, done with loving correction. My child should not sense MY anger, but the anger of a righteous God, and should be instructed by His truth and the salvation He offers through Jesus Christ that saves my children from sin's ultimate punishment. I would consider my actions this morning with regard to spanking Tabby an abuse of my authority, and definitely sinful on my part). So here I was with my sin and my two sinful children, trying to make things work by my own power, and in particular, through the forcefulness of my anger. Now, let's reflect for a minute on why I was angry (or who I was angry with). Was it my children? Sure, they had caused the inconvenience of me getting out of bed and dealing with moderately sick, very grumpy kids. But really, was MY anger THEIR fault? No. I was choosing anger because I wanted my own comfort and ease. I was mad at the One who sovereignly works all things for His glory and my good. I was not giving glory to God in the midst of my morning. I wanted to glorify myself and my needs. Even later on the phone as I was confessing my sin to JM, I noticed that I kept talking about how difficult the children were making it for me. So, I still hadn't learned my lesson. Well, I decided that I needed to read the Bible to help focus my day. I have been reading in Deuteronomy lately. Today was chapter 17. I will only quote a couple of verses, but here is what I read,
"If there is found among you, within any of your towns that the LORD your God is giving you, a man or woman who does what is evil in the sight of the LORD your God, in transgressing his covenant, and has gone and served other gods and worshiped them, or the sun or the moon or any of the host of heaven, which I have forbidden, and it is told you and you hear of it, then you shall inquire diligently, and if it is true and certain that such an abomination has been done in Israel, then you shall bring out to your gates that man or woman who has done this evil thing, and you shall stone that man or woman to death with stones."
Deu 17:2-5

So, granted I was not worshipping the sun or moon, but I was definitely worshipping my bed and rest (and actually, MYSELF) over the Lord and His calling on my life as a mother and servant of His Kingdom. What really got me was this: What is written above is the law of the Lord, something fulfilled through Jesus Christ. By His grace I am no longer under that law. However, there is also mentioned several times in the New Testament a need and requirement of having that same law written on my heart. Living with the principles of this law as my guide for godliness. Even as I am typing, I would say that I do not feel the anguish of my sin against God to the degree that this law punishes. Indeed, my heart would tell me I am light years from deserving to be stoned to death, much less suffering the eternal wrath of God in the confines of hell. What foolish things feelings can be sometimes. I pray that the Lord arrests my heart with this truth, that I may be in agony over my sin and truly TRULY repent (and turn) of it.

Thank God for John Piper!

I was just heartily zinged by this article, which comes from John Piper's website, Desiring God Ministries. Specifically, I thought about this morning when Tabitha (my three year old) was trying to ask me something related to where she would sit at breakfast, and I interrrupted her several times and forcefully gave my predetermined answer. Now, I knew something wasn't quite "godly" about what I was doing, but would not have been able to pinpoint it so well as Piper outlined in this brief article. I am gratefully convicted, in particular of my own arrogance, rudeness, and lack of thoughtful concern for my daughter's words and their value. I want to teach her patience, kindness, and that words do have value and meaning, as well as the thoughts behind them. By squelching her questions (and trust me, this morning was not the first time!) I am not teaching her any of those things, and by my own example I am damaging her thoughts as to the value of her words, and the value of lis-ten-ing
(as I so often question whether she is listening to me).

Wisdom

I have been wanting to do a topical study on thanksgiving, and so I would first like to ask a question...Does anyone know of a good book designed to expose the topic of thanksgiving and gratitude in the Bible? Besides the Bible? I always grapple with study guides because in one sense I feel they are lazy. In another sense, I want to humble myself and learn from whatever means of grace the Lord provides. So, there's my two cents about that.

Now, why is this post titled "Wisdom"? Because, it is a much easier topical study in the Bible. Hello Proverbs! Anyway, I have just finished the chapter on Wisdom as an attribute of God in the book "Knowing God" (see earlier post). More than anything, it made me hungry for the Word of God, and in particular, the Old Testament. Suprising? It was to me. I mean, I like the OT, but it can be more challenging to stay with a study of, say, I Chronicles than to study the book of James. You know? But wisdom is found in both places, and I would say the "fear of the Lord" variety of wisdom is easier to come by in the OT. At least, that's my current opinion. I am open to teaching and discussion there as well. I suppose that's all for now.

Newly Obsessed with Baking Soda

...and vinegar. I have been cleaning my house with this stuff like mad! I feel so liberated from stinky Lysol and Windex! Ha! AND I am saving money. Double HA! It all started with the carpet in the kids' room. Filthy. What were we thinking laying white carpet. Well, not white-white, more like semi-off-white...but still. The carpet was doing tolerably until the diaper-rash-cream-baptism-event courtesy of my little Tabitha. It never recovered. Desitin. Oil-based and deadly. The carpet became a magnet for dirt. The soap I had used to try and clean it (Dawn...hey, it cuts grease on dishes?? creatvity points, anyone?) also attracted dirt like a magnet, but miraculously, it attracted a slightly different shade of dirt. So you could clearly see where the mess was, as well as where I had attempted to clean it up. Did I mention this is the section of the carpet right by the doorway? So yeah, people were probably afraid to let their kids play on our floor, for fear that the carpet might EAT them. Fast forward about two years. Enter baking soda (and vinegar). Bye bye Desitin! So, I wondered to myself as I perused the back label of the 5 pound bag of baking soda I just got at Sam's...what else can this miracle powder do? Basically, I have decided, baking soda does for my house what the internet did for computers. And, I learned a fabulous little trick with vinegar that caused me to spontaneously throw away my Windex and Squeegee forever. 1/4 cup vinegar plus one cup of water plus one empty spray bottle. Add newspaper and the bathroom mirror. You know the one...that large streaky monster that you hate to clean because you end up squatting halfway on the countertop with one foot in the sink (which you now have to re-clean) and still, STILL it looks streaky and fudgy after you are finished. But you try again each week. That was me. Now I am doing the happy dance on Thursday when the free edition of the Watkinsville newspaper comes to my mailbox. Yah-hoo!

Another Day

I am trying to work my way back into this "consistent posting" thing, so bear with me. I am utterly shocked by the fact that October is only two days away...

How the gospel has been working in my life lately: may I first share His Grace!!! I have truly seen a change in the way I relate to my children. Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! I cannot tell you how grateful my heart is to see this fruit begin to take shape in my life. Patience, joy, kindness, and yes, even self-control. I know that these changes are not in my own power or my own heart; rather, they are a work of the power of Christ's resurrection, manifest by the Spirit's conquering presence in my soul. They are a gift from God Himself. Please don't hear that I am finished with the fight. I know I have FAR to go in terms of overcoming the sins of impatience, anger, selfishness, and rude behavior. I am just freshly aware of the Lord's kindness and victory in my life in these areas. I have truly enjoyed mothering my two children. I have not been as impatient and short-tempered with them. I have not been harsh with them when they turn out to be foolish and clumsy. These may sound like small things to you, but for me they are monumental. I pray that His grace would continue to reign in this area of my life. My faith is so built! Thank you, Lord!

...and now I remeber why I hate spiders.

Yesterday, I was walking along my garden and noticed that same green spider in the same flower as when I took the picture on Monday. Well, about ten minutes later I glanced over and saw that "loathsome creature" (to quote J. Edwards) hanging upside down under the petals of my pink zinnia and sucking the blood out of a bumblebee that it was holding with its gruesome extra legs. And to think, I even considered posting on my blog that I thought that spider was kind of cool. In that moment, I had before my eyes a living picture of the power of sin. I had been fooled into believing that this spider was nice because it was pretty and didn't have a web like those big nasty banana spiders that hang around. It was a garden spider, helpful to my flowers by keeping away pests. HA! BUMBLEBEES ARE HELPFUL, SPIDERS ARE MURDERERS!!! I decided to relax my spider theory because this spider was different, a kind I had never seen before. But it does the same reprehensible act that all spiders do (besides having too many legs); it lives by sucking the blood out of other creatures. If that is not a picture of sin, I don't know what is. What kind of creature lives off of blood? Ick, yuck, and nastiness!!! I think I will go outside and spray that awful thing down with Lysol. And then possibly light a match.

SPIDER

I took this picture a few minutes ago in my garden. For those of you who know how scared I am of spiders and how STINKIN close you have to get to a spider to take a picture like this, be amazed. Taking dominion, folks.

Holy Helper

Just a little life update to begin. Tabitha turns three on Saturday. I wish the implications of that statement could somehow be published alongside it. But I am actually too tired to post a picture of myself making the face I make when I think about it too long. I am sure whoever is reading this post can imagine. Actually, I wonder if anyone ever does read it anymore...I have all but abandoned my little blog. Which leads me to my next point...why I am posting.
I have been reading a book called Knowing God
which has been wonderful. The chapter I just finished is about the Holy Spirit. It has really humbled me (which I always need). As a wife, I can struggle with being subject to my husband's authority. I pray that I never succumb to that temptation ever again. Because of the tremendous example found in Christ Himself, I should look to service and submission as true greatness, a sweet communion with my Savior. Second, there is the work of the Holy Spirit, who is not only subject to God the Father, but also is subject to Christ. AND the work of the Spirit is to be a helper to saints and further the work done by Christ as He dwelt breifly among us. It is mind boggling to me that GOD would choose to give that kind of 24/7 personal, sacrificial (at least in my opinion) care and oversight to me. Me the struggling housewife who gets in a huff if the fact that the floor was recently swept goes unnoticed by my family (and by unnoticed I mean that no one breaks down emotionally over the amazing and selfless servant that I am to the rest of the group.) I am indeed a wretched sinner in need of a Savior, a Father, and a Divine Helper. Thank you God, for grace, freedom, and the hope of heaven!!!

Thanksgiving

God is continuing to work on my heart in terms of giving thanks to Him. My step-mom would often call me "ungrateful" when I was younger. Most of the time I didn't care when she said it (to my shame). But as my heart is informed by Scripture, I am starting to call myself ungrateful. How often are two things mentioned beside thanksgiving in Scripture: prayer and obedience. I feel that I cannot grow well in these two areas without first addressing my lack of thankfulness towards my Savior. Even though I could maintain (perhaps) a general demeanor of gratitude based on my desire to serve the Lord, etc. ( This is by the way, the excuse my husband uses when he takes his first bite of a meal before we have prayed. "I maintain a constant state of thankfulness", I believe is a direct quote.) , it is still mandated in Scripture to pray with thanksgiving, most often when we are commanded to pray without ceasing. I know that kind of thanksgiving (as well as that kind of prayer) doesn't just happen. It requires cultivation. Am I pursuing thankfulness the way I pursue other things of the Lord? I certainly want to grow in this area.

Brevity

Today I turn twenty five years old. In about two hours...so technically I am not quite a quarter of a century old yet. Unexpectedly, my husband arranged for my mother-in-law to take the kids until tomorrow night. I am thrilled to have some time alone, with no demands...except for from our brand new puppy, Belle. How will I spend the time? Again, the answer I expected has not come. Last night as I fell asleep (which didn't take long after an evening of Dutch Blitz and maragritas with some friends), I contemplated the time and how I had so many little hobbies and projects that I wanted to spend my day enjoying. This morning as I was wiping down the counter, God arrested my heart. You see, last night on the way home from dropping off the kids, JM and I listened to a message by John Piper about Adoniram Judson. This man's life was wrent with tragedy, yet he persevered and served the Lord until the day he died. Consequently, there has been much reaping from his work in India...I would encourage you to research this man's life and death. Piper argues that Judon's unwavering belief in the sovereignty of God was fundamental in his ability to cope with the excessive death and destruction that surrounded his life. As I wiped down my countertop, the same sovereign God spoke to my heart and reminded me that he had also ordered my life. He had chosen for me to hear that message last night on the way home from leaving my kids with my mom-in-law. He had granted me this "free" time today. Had I even asked Him what to do with it? Or had I selfishly made my own comfortable, enjoyable plans...after all, it's my bi

Its Official...

I am now Aunt Taylor...hmm, maybe I need a nickname. Anyway, her name is Amelia Suzanne Battaglia and she is almost two days old!

Never Time

Will the whirlwind ever stop? I can't really tell from here, but this morning (as with every other morning I can remember for a long while) I am tired. We are hosting several and various college students in our home of late, and, in addition to mothering two wee ones, attempting to cook, clean, and care for guests and maintain something of a marriage :-) I am really tired. Don't get me wrong, JM and I are having the time of our lives; I personally really love having so many people around, I just wish I could have the energy that Tabitha does all the time. Okay, so why am I blogging? First of all, because I just walked into the office looking for the Swiffer and I realized the golden oppurtunity before me. No one needs me right now. Second, because I feel tremendous blogger's guilt for not writing in so long. And third, perhaps most importantly...I have something to say. :-) Recently, I have been quite convicted about the lack of thanksgiving on my lips and in my prayers. So, I am desirous to change there. 1 Corinthians talks about the gift of tongues and within the idea that one of the primary purposes of tongues is to speak thanks to God for self-edification. Now I have understood for some time the concept of tongues as a form of intercessory prayer and have seen the Lord move powerfully in that particular Spirit manifestation. Unfortunately, I don't think I've ever recognized tongues as a mode of giving thanks to God. Consequently, I don't know that I have ever really meditated on God's character and actions toward me long enough to be provoked to speak in tongues of thanksgiving. And that, my friends, is sad. I desire a heart that bursts open with thanksgiving to God. So there is indeed some idol smashing to be done in me. Lord, help me not to love this world more than you! I desire to know Your face, and to be truly in love with You. I want to be more thankful for You, God!

Just a minute...

So, I am shamefully overdue with this blog...yipe! Well, in the midst of five weddings and a baby or two this spring (the babies aren't mine consequently), I am not finding a lot of free time for deep thought. Or really lengthy shallow thought either. Although I had quite and interesting conversation with my husband and some friends over the moral issue of plant ownership. Maybe I'll get into that some other time. I did want to post about something the Lord has shown me is a big struggle for me, and that is prayer in solitude. I tend to prefer to pray with someone else or a group of people, and I really sense the Lord meeting me in those times. However, when I am alone and (as is often the case lately) distracted or tired, that time can be dry and difficult. I have had seasons of life when I just desire time alone with the Lord, meditating on His goodness and character and sensing His pleasure and presence with me. So, by default, I know who has moved, and it must be me. Now, don't get me wrong, I know that the Lord, although generous with His Spirit, is under no obligation to make the sensing of His Spirit an essential or even customary element to prayer. I think if I spent more time appreciating the value of the fact that I can even enter into the presence of the Lord at any time (or at all) then I might be more humble and more grateful for this Mighty Savior whom I serve. All this to say that I am in pursuit of Him in this area of my life.

As an aside, I also am so thankful for our pastor and his faithfulness to bring truth to us each week and challenge and direct us to our Lord. Had a wonderful sermon about love on Sunday, and in particular I was affected by the following:

(1 Cor. 13 description of love has just been read)

"If you are here today saying I want to be loved like that, then you've missed it. You're ALREADY loved like that!! Look to the cross, you've already been loved like that. But as it says in the next few verses, 'Pursue love' ; You are meant to love others in the way that you have already been loved! "

Okay so that's probably not a perfect, word for word up there, but certainly it is the essence of what Paul was trying to communicate. Can I get an amen?

I love my Son!

This is a recent picture of Titus, my little man. He is about ten months old and I realized that I don't have any pictures of him on my blog. That is sad. So, now my blog (and hopefully your day) have been brightened by this precious face. What a ladykiller! 

Encouragement in Modesty

So, if you have not been reading the girltalk blog lately, they have been talking about modesty. This is such a helpful topic for two reasons. First, women rarely realize the effect they can have by dressing modestly, or vice versa. Secondly, it can be somewhat awkward for men to address the topic. In any case, my friend Sam Hill (yes that s really his name) forwarded a wonderful and powerful testimony that was written by a good friend of his. I asked if it would be okay to post it, and he said yes so here it is. The reason it begins "Dear ladies" is because I think she sent this same note over to the girltalk blog girls. Here we go (be encouraged and challenged):

Dear ladies,

My name is Christen - I'm a junior in college outside of Philadelphia. I am so grateful that y'all have focused on modesty the past week or so - and the timing of it is wise!! The spring is an important time for women to be thinking biblically about our dress!!

I wanted to share with y'all my testimony, because I have come to see that modesty was huge in the Lord's work of saving me. I hope that it encourages anybody that reads it - I want to shed light on the glory of Christ Jesus in His mercy and grace in saving an enemy!!

Until a little while ago, I was living in the deception that I was a Christian. My family had always been involved in ministry and the church - I assumed that somewhere along the way I had been saved, too. However, if anyone were to honestly look at my life, it was clear that my heart was void of any love for or delight in Christ. I knew the charade well, but I was miserable. My teenage years are a blur of corruption to me, with a few memories of tiny seeds the Lord was planting in me of desire for Himself, for a greater joy than what the world was offering me. Among other things, one of the areas that I struggled greatly with was immodesty. My pride would feed itself on the pleasure of attention and the ability to tempt guys. It became a constant goal of mine, a habit even - consciously or not - to get as much attention for my looks as I could. Looking back on it, I am just floored by the bondage I was in - I was so unhappy and unsatisfied!!

As I got older, I tried to find the middle ground - I was looking for some sort of "nobility" in the middle of my immodesty, but to no avail. My wardrobe consisted of clothes that may not have been scandalous by the world's measures, but immodest nonetheless. This continued through my freshman year of college and the summer afterwards. The Lord was working in my heart, though. I knew my dissatisfaction with the world, and knew, to an extent, that the Lord was the answer to my desire for real satisfaction and joy. I just lacked the ability or desire within myself to forsake it all for Christ; I didn't know how to get out of my slavery to sin. I recognized these desires for greatness, though, for God. I began to hear the Gospel in a new way - the Lord was not only revealing my heart's dissatisfaction with the world, but was placing people in my life who would preach the Gospel to me! I began to hear about modesty, for the first time in my life, as a way to honor Christ.

At the beginning of my sophomore year of college (fall of 2004), I began to dress less immodestly (not quite modestly, though!). I was looking for hope in the practice of it, but still lacked the heart for Jesus. Therefore, my dress was still only halfway modest, because my heart was only halfway in it. A lot of times, it was just annoying to me!

Then one day, in the fall of 2004, after I had gotten dressed and ready for the day, I looked in the mirror at my "halfway" modest outfit. I looked "acceptable", not ostentatious. Yet I was somehow dissatisfied - I realized I had been dressing so that I could feel modest, yet in my heart I still sought the attention and glory for myself. But that day was different. As I scrutinized my halfway modest outfit, I was tired of it. (Specifically, I felt my clothes were too tight, and my stomach showed if I moved around at all!) I was tired of dressing modestly half-heartedly. In fact, I realized that I was tired of living my entire life half-heartedly. I was worn out by trying to live with one foot in the world and one foot in the kingdom of God. There's no joy in that - it's just exhausting! I believe that on that day, God gave me genuine desires for Himself - I believe He changed my heart that day, credited Christ's righteousness to me, and welcomed me into His kingdom!

My point in all this is that I whole-heartedly second the fact that modesty represents our hearts. I don't believe that I was saved because I started dressing modestly. I believe that the change in my desire to dress modestly was representative of my change of heart. The Lord used modesty as a symbol of a heart redeemed by the death of Jesus Christ.

That was a little over a year ago. Since then, the Lord has only grown me in my understanding and desires to dress modestly. I listened to CJ's sermon on "The Soul of Modesty" and think of it almost everyday. What especially hit me was the statement y'all recently put on the blog: "The woman who loves the Savior avoids immodesty because she doesn't want to distract from or reflect poorly upon the gospel." I think of my own longings to know and love the Lord, and consider my brothers in Christ - they have those same longings. I want to love and serve my brothers - the thought of being a "distraction" from the gospel is a terrifying thought to me.

Dressing modestly is not always easy - it is a challenge! But by the grace of God, it is by no means annoying to me anymore. It is such a joy to know that I am abiding in the love of Christ by how I dress and helping my brothers to do the same!! I don't get the same type of attention from guys as I used to - and what a blessing that is!! When I walk around campus or sit in class or worship in church, I am freer to dwell on the Lord and to know that I am helping others do the same. There is so much joy in dressing modestly. I have a final thought: I would encourage Christian guys to seek to encourage modesty in your sisters. Tell them how valuable it is to you! It only spurs us on to modesty and the glory of God even more! Let's delight in the Lord for His mercy to allow us to know purity - to know Him!!

I hope this is at least encouraging to anyone who reads this, to see the goodness and power of God in a backwards heart. Thank y'all again for teaching us about modesty - it is priceless!!

in Christ,

Christen Rausch

Oh man that's sick!

I mean...I'm sick...again. Bah on sickness, I wanna go to heaven. My kids are sick...allergies? What is that about. I have lived in Georgia all my stinkin life and I have prided myself on NEVER NO NOT ONE SINGLE TIME EVER having allergies. I think the pine trees want revenge. Because last year we cut down about 30 of them between our yard and our next door neighbors. We left one. And if you have read my blog, you recently saw that last pine tree's untimely demise courtesy of my husband and a chain saw. MUAHHAHAHAHA! I laughed that day with vicious joy...at last! no more pokey pine cones and no more raking up pine straw in order to remind myself of the color of grass. You know, before I had that last tree cut down, I actually used to talk smack to it from my kitchen window. In hindsight, this may not have been the best idea. Good thing I am not a pantheist. But seriously, I used to tell the tree that it's days were numbered and that it better not get too comfortable housing nasty lawn-furniture-destroying squirrels and blocking the sun's view of my pitiable garden. Oh no, the day was coming when that tree would be mulch and firewood. Little did I know...that tree cursed me back. Not that I plan on being firewood. But I suppose I have learned the hard way not to talk smack to trees. There is, however, an azalea bush in the front garden...

New Week, New Grace

Last night I went to a ladies' meeting. The topic? Kindness. The result of the time well spent there. Zing! I have been convicted (that's what Zing means) and the verse that did it? Here:

If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.
Luke 6:32-35

The speaker (my good friend Ruth) went on to explain how often, our own family can qualify as "enemies" when their needs or desires are in opposition to our own. Zing! And I would add that it's not my children or husband intentionally being my enemy; rather, the sinfulness of my heart makes me become their enemy. So...God is obviously after something here in my heart. I would guess it's probably sanctifying my big, fat, selfish heart. :-) To end, Ruth shared some ways to combat unkindness, and of course the one that struck me was prayer. She read two different prayers in Ephesians (1:16-23 & 3:14-19) and encouraged us to pray for faith in the power of God, and a greater understanding of the attributes of God, in particular of His love for us. Yeah, I'd say that could be helpful. Lord, HELP ME!!! (This is a common prayer of mine, while it is appropriately desperate for God, it is generally unspecific and lazy. Seeking the face of God, the knowledge of Him, asking for reminders of His faithfulness in order to create more faith in His future grace...these things would do my heart more good than clamoring like a newborn for unspecified help).

Provoked by Spurgeon

I was reading Morning and Evening by C.H. Spurgeon just now, and was so provoked by the passage, I had to share it.


“On him they laid the cross, that he might bear it after Jesus.”

We see in Simon’s carrying the cross a picture of the work of the Church throughout all generations; he is the cross-bearer after Jesus. Mark then, Christian, Jesus does not suffer so as to exclude your suffering. He bears a cross, not that you may escape it, but that you may endure it. Christ exempts you from sin, but not from sorrow. Remember that, and expect to suffer.
But let us comfort ourselves with this thought, that in our case, as in Simon’s, it is not our cross, but Christ’s cross which we carry. When you are molested for your piety; when your religion brings the trial of cruel mockings upon you, then remember it is not your cross, it is Christ’s cross; and how delightful is it to carry the cross of our Lord Jesus!
You carry the cross after him. You have blessed company; your path is marked with the footprints of your Lord. The mark of his blood-red shoulder is upon that heavy burden. ‘Tis his cross, and he goes before you as a shepherd goes before his sheep. Take up your cross daily, and follow him.
Do not forget, also, that you bear this cross in partnership. It is the opinion of some that Simon only carried one end of the cross, and not the whole of it. That is very possible; Christ may have carried the heavier part, against the transverse beam, and Simon may have borne the lighter end. Certainly it is so with you; you do but carry the light end of the cross, Christ bore the heavier end.
And remember, though Simon had to bear the cross for a very little while, it gave him lasting honour. Even so the cross we carry is only for a little while at most, and then we shall receive the crown, the glory. Surely we should love the cross, and, instead of shrinking from it, count it very dear, when it works out for us “a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.”

Caution: New Season Ahead

Well, I just returned from the Ladies' Retreat called Encounter 2006. It featured speakers Carolyn Mahaney (visit her blog here) and Carolyn McCulley (author of Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye?). If you are interested, I had the privilege of "live-blogging" the event along with my friend Sherri (read her blog here). The messages are all posted on her website. Certainly the more disorganized notes are the sessions I worked on, so apologies. Now, the burning question on anyone's mind who has read this far is most likely, what is the new season ahead? But I do have to talk about a couple of things first, before I get to me. :-) One of the highlights of our retreat was this. Our dear pastor's wife, Darby, did an excellent job of preparing in advance to bless the ladies who went on the retreat. She divided the names of all attending from our church and had some of the ladies assigned to pray for each. In addition, she asked that we who prayed would also write a note of encouragement and give a small gift to secretly place on their pillows in the hotel when we arrived. Of course, Darby "forgot" to put her own name on the list of ladies, so some of us figured that out and decided to take matters into our own hands. It was so exciting to put together a gift basket for her and suprise her with it on the trip. As a testimony to how much she means to our ladies, there was so much money given towards the basket that we ran out of ideas for what to give her, and ended up using the money to buy her dinner out the night we gave the gift. She is a precious blessing to our church and I am amazed by God's Sovereign grace in place her among our church body. We love you Darby!!!

And ok. so I had this list of things to do. And really we were encouraged on the ladies' retreat not to try and apply everything that we heard, but rather to choose one thing and seek to change in that area. Well I do have my one thing. But I got home from the retreat and, as expected, my kids and husband were all very glad to see me (trust me the feeling was mutual). The house looked, well, it looked like people had been living in it for a few days without me around to clean up. Also, as expected. Plus, I had picked up something icky while away. My kids both have colds, and JM has some kind of throat thing. So, not only do I have mother-starved kids, they are also sick kids, which makes them extra EXTRA clingy. I also have a husband who is sick, and we know how men act when they get sick. A mountain of laundry, a dirty house, plus all of the regular duties of the week. So. Want to hear what my one thing was? Contentment in any situation. :-) So far, by God's grace, I haven't had a meltdown. The passage in Peter keeps coming to mind.


As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies--in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen. Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. (1Pe 4:10-12)


I have been given a gift in the teachings of the weekend, and the break from the routine of daily life. Now I am to use this gift to serve my family...and serve by the strength God supplies. This is easier to claim on a day like today when I don't feel so well. And God can use this(?!), my dirty house and tired children, to glorify Himself. Wow! Finally, though I would not call this truly a "fiery trial" proper, I am so aware that 899 other women most likely came home to similar dirty houses, and I imagine a good number came home to sick kids. These are certainly common things, and again, the idea that the Lord could be glorified in the mundane hours of my Monday is astounding. And my agenda for the day? Well, the list has transformed from this:

1. Laundry
2. Grocery shopping
3. Bank
4. Meal Calendar for April
5. Plant out seedlings
6. Clean out leftovers
7. Bake Bread
8. Update Finances/Budget

to this:

1. Seek the Lord
2. Serve my kids
3. Leave the house fairly dirty

Leftovers Tuesday

Tonite we had leftover pot roast for dinner. It was the kind of dinner that you keep eating because you think the next bite will taste a little better, a little more like what you remembered having a few nights ago...but it never gets quite that good. In the end you are satisfied, but not really. At least you are full. I think sometimes I can veiw my relationship with God the same way. Shame on me, I will experience the joy of a particular emotionally high time with the Lord, then I coast on that until it is the same feeling as Tuesday leftover dinner. I am not realizing that with God, it is always a feast! I mean, sure there are times in my life when I "feel" really close to God. But I am always His child. I will have the gift of salvation for all eternity, which in itself should spice up any old pot roast quiet time I can have. May I not walk in a manner unworthy of the calling I have received! Lord, teach me to love (all of) Your ways. Remind me that my joy is in my salvation, not my possession, and certainly not my circumstance. You are good to me all of my days, I am bound to eat at Your table for all eternity. What more could I ask?