Dear ladies,
My name is Christen - I'm a junior in college outside of Philadelphia. I am so grateful that y'all have focused on modesty the past week or so - and the timing of it is wise!! The spring is an important time for women to be thinking biblically about our dress!!
I wanted to share with y'all my testimony, because I have come to see that modesty was huge in the Lord's work of saving me. I hope that it encourages anybody that reads it - I want to shed light on the glory of Christ Jesus in His mercy and grace in saving an enemy!!
Until a little while ago, I was living in the deception that I was a Christian. My family had always been involved in ministry and the church - I assumed that somewhere along the way I had been saved, too. However, if anyone were to honestly look at my life, it was clear that my heart was void of any love for or delight in Christ. I knew the charade well, but I was miserable. My teenage years are a blur of corruption to me, with a few memories of tiny seeds the Lord was planting in me of desire for Himself, for a greater joy than what the world was offering me. Among other things, one of the areas that I struggled greatly with was immodesty. My pride would feed itself on the pleasure of attention and the ability to tempt guys. It became a constant goal of mine, a habit even - consciously or not - to get as much attention for my looks as I could. Looking back on it, I am just floored by the bondage I was in - I was so unhappy and unsatisfied!!
As I got older, I tried to find the middle ground - I was looking for some sort of "nobility" in the middle of my immodesty, but to no avail. My wardrobe consisted of clothes that may not have been scandalous by the world's measures, but immodest nonetheless. This continued through my freshman year of college and the summer afterwards. The Lord was working in my heart, though. I knew my dissatisfaction with the world, and knew, to an extent, that the Lord was the answer to my desire for real satisfaction and joy. I just lacked the ability or desire within myself to forsake it all for Christ; I didn't know how to get out of my slavery to sin. I recognized these desires for greatness, though, for God. I began to hear the Gospel in a new way - the Lord was not only revealing my heart's dissatisfaction with the world, but was placing people in my life who would preach the Gospel to me! I began to hear about modesty, for the first time in my life, as a way to honor Christ.
At the beginning of my sophomore year of college (fall of 2004), I began to dress less immodestly (not quite modestly, though!). I was looking for hope in the practice of it, but still lacked the heart for Jesus. Therefore, my dress was still only halfway modest, because my heart was only halfway in it. A lot of times, it was just annoying to me!
My name is Christen - I'm a junior in college outside of Philadelphia. I am so grateful that y'all have focused on modesty the past week or so - and the timing of it is wise!! The spring is an important time for women to be thinking biblically about our dress!!
I wanted to share with y'all my testimony, because I have come to see that modesty was huge in the Lord's work of saving me. I hope that it encourages anybody that reads it - I want to shed light on the glory of Christ Jesus in His mercy and grace in saving an enemy!!
Until a little while ago, I was living in the deception that I was a Christian. My family had always been involved in ministry and the church - I assumed that somewhere along the way I had been saved, too. However, if anyone were to honestly look at my life, it was clear that my heart was void of any love for or delight in Christ. I knew the charade well, but I was miserable. My teenage years are a blur of corruption to me, with a few memories of tiny seeds the Lord was planting in me of desire for Himself, for a greater joy than what the world was offering me. Among other things, one of the areas that I struggled greatly with was immodesty. My pride would feed itself on the pleasure of attention and the ability to tempt guys. It became a constant goal of mine, a habit even - consciously or not - to get as much attention for my looks as I could. Looking back on it, I am just floored by the bondage I was in - I was so unhappy and unsatisfied!!
As I got older, I tried to find the middle ground - I was looking for some sort of "nobility" in the middle of my immodesty, but to no avail. My wardrobe consisted of clothes that may not have been scandalous by the world's measures, but immodest nonetheless. This continued through my freshman year of college and the summer afterwards. The Lord was working in my heart, though. I knew my dissatisfaction with the world, and knew, to an extent, that the Lord was the answer to my desire for real satisfaction and joy. I just lacked the ability or desire within myself to forsake it all for Christ; I didn't know how to get out of my slavery to sin. I recognized these desires for greatness, though, for God. I began to hear the Gospel in a new way - the Lord was not only revealing my heart's dissatisfaction with the world, but was placing people in my life who would preach the Gospel to me! I began to hear about modesty, for the first time in my life, as a way to honor Christ.
At the beginning of my sophomore year of college (fall of 2004), I began to dress less immodestly (not quite modestly, though!). I was looking for hope in the practice of it, but still lacked the heart for Jesus. Therefore, my dress was still only halfway modest, because my heart was only halfway in it. A lot of times, it was just annoying to me!
Then one day, in the fall of 2004, after I had gotten dressed and ready for the day, I looked in the mirror at my "halfway" modest outfit. I looked "acceptable", not ostentatious. Yet I was somehow dissatisfied - I realized I had been dressing so that I could feel modest, yet in my heart I still sought the attention and glory for myself. But that day was different. As I scrutinized my halfway modest outfit, I was tired of it. (Specifically, I felt my clothes were too tight, and my stomach showed if I moved around at all!) I was tired of dressing modestly half-heartedly. In fact, I realized that I was tired of living my entire life half-heartedly. I was worn out by trying to live with one foot in the world and one foot in the kingdom of God. There's no joy in that - it's just exhausting! I believe that on that day, God gave me genuine desires for Himself - I believe He changed my heart that day, credited Christ's righteousness to me, and welcomed me into His kingdom!
My point in all this is that I whole-heartedly second the fact that modesty represents our hearts. I don't believe that I was saved because I started dressing modestly. I believe that the change in my desire to dress modestly was representative of my change of heart. The Lord used modesty as a symbol of a heart redeemed by the death of Jesus Christ.
That was a little over a year ago. Since then, the Lord has only grown me in my understanding and desires to dress modestly. I listened to CJ's sermon on "The Soul of Modesty" and think of it almost everyday. What especially hit me was the statement y'all recently put on the blog: "The woman who loves the Savior avoids immodesty because she doesn't want to distract from or reflect poorly upon the gospel." I think of my own longings to know and love the Lord, and consider my brothers in Christ - they have those same longings. I want to love and serve my brothers - the thought of being a "distraction" from the gospel is a terrifying thought to me.
Dressing modestly is not always easy - it is a challenge! But by the grace of God, it is by no means annoying to me anymore. It is such a joy to know that I am abiding in the love of Christ by how I dress and helping my brothers to do the same!! I don't get the same type of attention from guys as I used to - and what a blessing that is!! When I walk around campus or sit in class or worship in church, I am freer to dwell on the Lord and to know that I am helping others do the same. There is so much joy in dressing modestly. I have a final thought: I would encourage Christian guys to seek to encourage modesty in your sisters. Tell them how valuable it is to you! It only spurs us on to modesty and the glory of God even more! Let's delight in the Lord for His mercy to allow us to know purity - to know Him!!
I hope this is at least encouraging to anyone who reads this, to see the goodness and power of God in a backwards heart. Thank y'all again for teaching us about modesty - it is priceless!!
in Christ,
Christen Rausch
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