Tabitha's Birthday

So I was just clearing off my camera card into the computer, and decided to post a few recent pictures of our family. JM is the family photographer, so he isn't in any of the pictures, but there are some cute ones of the kids. This one is special for three reasons. First, it's Tabitha's birthday dinner. Second, Tabby and I are doing one of our favorite activities. Third, we are eating at Agua Linda (holy moly it's so good!) which is so fabulous I couldn't even put down the fork long enough to smile. Here are some more pictures from the birthday celebration:

Monthly Post

I have been praying for a greater measure of joy, as well as increasing wisdom in parenting. So, I consequently have been reading in Psalms and Proverbs for my time with God. Wow. I am learning a lot about joy, its true nature and source being rooted in the gospel. I say "learning," but these are things I know already. I suppose, "experiencing the reality of this on a deeper and more foundational level" might be a better description. Joy, you see, in my functional beliefs, is largely based on getting what I want, and not really having to work for what I get. Effort, in my self-absorbed opinion, robs me of joy. So, having to do the hard work of correcting my children, responding to sinful behavior, seeking God through reading, prayer and meditation, caring for others, cleaning my house, etc.etc. or really just having to live in a fallen world, all made for some serious lack of joy. My source of joy has been a dried up well of self-effort tempered with the poor, sludgy substitute of comfort and ease. Man, where's the gospel? I think I have been ignoring it's power and function as the true source of joy. Looking over the Psalms, I am constantly reading of circumstances, emotions, and afflictions that far outdo my worst battle with a toddler. Over and over, the writer uses the truth of God's unwavering faithfulness, strength, mercy, and love (all most clearly demonstrated in His gracious response to my sin by sending Jesus Christ to suffer and die for my substitutional punishment) to strike a deathblow to his emotions, and to overpower the influence of his circumstances. The result is some of the most compelling declarations of happiness and joy, anchored outside of himself and his circumstances. If I desire that kind of joy in God, clearly, I need the truth of Scripture, most pointedly the truth of the gospel, to be poured over my thoughts and my heart. This I have in unhindered abundance through the Holy Spirit, through the Word, and through the Church. More on wisdom later...

Blog Promo

So you might have noticed some upgrades to my site here, and my profile as well. The reason is that my husband has just begun a blog of his own. In helping him to navigate the wonderful world of widgets and HTML (his blog is totally blinged out by yours truly, so you should tell him what a nice site he has when you visit!), I decided to also fix my poor little blog up and modernize. FYI, JM is much more likely to be a faithful blogger than I am, so I won't be offended if you start reading his instead of mine. It will at least ease my perpetual state of blogger's guilt. :-) So click here, or check my side bar for a permanent link.

On a somewhat related note, I will be posting some pictures here soon of items that I have knit lately. I am in the middle of Baby Shower Summer, with many handmade gifts to give out. This is related because in updating my profile, I mention that I am a knitter, and so I thought it would be nice to prove it. You know, build up the blogger/bloggee sense of trust. Ok, that's all for now.

Self Sufficiency (Unfinished post from back in June)

Hey, so I was going back through my old posts looking for some pictures I thought I had loaded, and found this draft of an old post. While its application transcends, don't think that I am currently potty training my son or that I am still freshly in the midst of this particular struggle. I thought it might be worth publishing as a reminder to myself, and hopefully to encourage anyone who might be closer to this struggle. Here it is:


Yesterday. I had a meltdown. It was potty training induced, but fed by an application of the previous Sunday's sermon. (I will link when the sermon is up online.) I realized initially, that I did not trust God with my daily life. I was trusting a godly lifestyle, perhaps, but not God himself. The difference, for those of you who think I am splitting hairs (which I am not doing, by the way), is clear by the fruit of my labors, as well as the state of my heart in moments of testing. First of all, the fruit. I have been increasingly aware of the weight of my burden as a wife and mother of three young children, with many added responsibilities from the church, extended family, and community. Where was I going for strength? Well, truly, I was simply digging in my heels and trying to cope. Now don't miss my point, I was reading my Bible. I wanted to hear from God. But I was not relying on him. I was not motivated to care for others because of how Christ has cared for me (most importantly, his sacrificial death and resurrection). I was using the Bible as a tool to accomplish my own agenda (to relieve the potential guilt of not reading it, for example). I was attacking my children with Bible verses, but not necessarily imparting grace and hope, because I did not rest on those things myself. I was seeking the Holy Spirit, even, so that I could "feel" better, and "experience" God. Again, please don't hear what I am not saying. Those things are good, but my corrupt heart was wrecking their true purpose. If I am not ultimately surrendered to God, and motivated by an understanding of His grace and goodness (a.k.a. the functional gospel), all other work is prideful at the core and is therefore compromised by sin. It is good to seek God. It is good to experience the power of the Holy Spirit, it is good to care for my friends and to speak God's word to my children. What has been missing in all of those things, for me, has been a general reliance on and submission to God. My heart is not fully trusting Him. Now, the second evidence, which came about in the moment of testing, also demonstrated trust not in God or His promises, but in my own abilities. If I am relying on myself for strength and grace in the fiery trials, then I will, with very few exceptions outwardly (and always inwardly) fail. What's in my heart? Rage, selfish ambition, jealousy, hatred, and all sorts of evil things. Now, as a believer, the gospel is also in my heart and with it peace, patience, grace, love, joy, mercy, gentleness and all sorts of good things. So, in moments of testing, which group do I tend to resemble? Well, that helps to discern which part of my heart is governing in those moments. It is easy to confuse quiet with true peace, happiness with true joy, or convenience with the dispensation of grace. And again, God does give us such seasons of rest and peace and convenient life circumstances, they are not evil in of themselves. The trick is that, in those seasons, it is far more difficult to discern where our hearts rest. Have we chosen the rock-solid truth of the gospel? Or have we gone soft and forgotten the depth of our need for a Savior? Nothing brings out the truth like the testing of trials and pain. Or smushy poo all over the otherwise freshly cleaned living room floor...

Jam Time!

Strawberry picking, phase one...Washington Farms.

The whole family came along for the trip to collect 3 gallons worth of strawberries! Here are some pictures of all of us, doing our strawberry picking thing.

The kids were really cute picking and eating and saying "Mom! I found another one! Come look!" We definitely picked waaaay too many, but it was a great time, not too hot that day. I was









Titus and Tabs also took a little time to visit the goats and pump some water.

A New Day

A quick life update:

I have been gardening, here are some pictures:







































Also, I finally got my Sonlight home school curriculum in the mail. Yay! I started on it today with the kids, and it is not nearly as overwhelming as I imagined. So I love that.

We have been doing some "house-cooling" home improvement projects lately, including new shades, new curtains, new attic fan, and the repainting of the side exterior door (from black to white).

Of course, I am knitting, but I can't say what, because it's all gifts for my pregnant friends and family. By the way, I happen to know 9 pregnant people due this summer. Plus a couple of others who are due later on. Fortunately, I am not among them. Yet...

I am trying to take more pictures of things lately. Hopefully, it will inspire me to blog, and I will get some use out of our new camera. I am terrible picture taker. I also don't prefer to be in pictures. On a side note, JM is going to be helping me get over this camera shyness, meaning he will be taking my picture a lot. If he manages to get a good one (where I do not look poopy-frightening and/or extremely uncomfortable) I might blog it. Don't count on it, though. If you forgot what I look like, just pretend I look like Cher, but shorter and less hair. Actually, don't pretend that. Maybe I should post a picture after all. :-)

Finally, I wanted to re-envision my blog's purpose today. The pursuit of God in daily-ness means to me that I want to share with you how I functionally live according to the transforming grace of God by seeking to apply the Gospel to every part of my life. This may not sound exciting, but to me it is and here is why: As a homemaker, mother of three, and small-town American woman, it is easy for me to feel as though my life does not make much difference. In particular, I can feel that as a Christian, I am not really influencing the world for Christ. After all, I am not smuggling Bibles into Sri Lanka or China. I am not serving in disease infested jungles building houses and roads. I am not feeding starving orphans in Africa. I don't even make any money to support these grand missions, because my husband is the one who works. So. It's easy to feel small. But, the amazing truth, and the reason for writing this blog is because those feelings I have from time to time are quite inaccurate. They do not hold up to the test of Biblical truth. God calls me to "walk in a manner worthy of the calling I have received." And he has called me to be the wife and mother that I am, to lay down my plans and dreams and desires for the sake of serving God through my local church. In this there is great fulfillment as my mundane actions of changing diapers, cooking meals, and sweeping the floor become submitted to the will and glory of God. Serving with joy in this life I am called to makes the gospel appealing to those who see. Most importantly, my unbelieving children are affected. Secondly, those within the church who are not saved see this testimony of grace. Finally, the relationships within the community that God sends my way are influenced (though they often do not know it) by the gospel. And when the gospel is my motivation, suddenly the ability to witness to others is greatly increased. If the answer to any question of why I do something is "because of the gospel," how could I help but share this good news with anyone who asks? Of course, the gospel is not meant only for salvation, but also for the purpose of changing my heart daily into the image of Christ. The gospel brings power to overcome sin, and to grow in love with my Savior, Jesus Christ. So, walking out this calling is also for the purpose of edifying the believers in my life, and spurring them on in their walk. Wow! Suddenly, what I am called to is truly meaningful. I am a minister of reconciliation between God and His creation. My simple life carries the weighty responsibility of pointing in every way, to the God who made me and saved me for His glory. How kind of Him to allow even my dirty dishes and hungry children to bring glory to Himself. Praise God, from whom all blessings flow!

Which Came First?

Well, for me the answer is undoubtedly, the chicken! Or rather, chickens...6 of which remain from the flock I started last August. These crazy chickens have been growing, eating, dirt-bathing, molting, getting stuck on the wrong side of the fence, cackling, roosting, and doing all other regular chicken activities with the important exception of LAYING EGGS. I have almost lost my mind over trying to figure out why in the world (could they be underfed? overfed? not enough free space? too much free space? not enough nests? wrong nest bedding? wrong food? not enough light? do they hate me? am I pressuring them? are they really roosters that looks like hens? are they just duds?) they haven't laid eggs. Well, a few weeks ago, I was ready to give up and leave them on the wrong side of a long country road. I decided instead to buy some more chickens and see if the problem was with my chickens or with me. It took a while to get everything ready, but today I went to a local farm and got 6 more. After setting up a new pen, making room, etc., etc. I finally had all my chickens in order. As I was walking inside I noticed something on the ground under one of my patio planters. Here is a picture:

Of course, I am sooooooo happy to know that no one is playing a cruel joke, and this egg did indeed come from one of my own chickens. Now I know the problem was with me being impatient more than anything else, and I am looking forward to supplying eggs for all my friends, especially now that I have 6 more chicks. Hee hee!

Why am I awake?

Been meaning to do this for days...should I get back into the habit of blogging? Do I have five minutes and one complete thought to spare? Well, if nothing else, I can at least feign accountability through my present effort. I have been thinking about lots of things lately, but one I mean to share is this: Getting up before my kids to spend time with the Lord is indispensable. This morning, JM and I sat together on the couch, snuggled up and praying together, and (even though I was pretty tired) I have not felt so refreshed in a looong time. Over the past couple of weeks, I have been in this terrible cycle of sinning, feeling condemned by guilt, failing to apply the gospel, and waking up each morning to the sound of my son (or on occasion my other son) asking for food. Sometimes it sounds like this: "Mommy, I hungee. I want pancakes mommy." Or it also sounds like this: "WAAAAAHHH!" (translation, why isn't Dairy Queen, also known as me, open yet?!) In any case, hitting the ground running after a sinful yesterday and a sleepless last night is not a good plan for a grace-filled today. If you don't believe me, ask my kids. I am pretty sure I have been walking around my house all day frowning and donning the wooden spoon for about a week and a half. Last Tuesday on our date, I was confessing my sin and my general sense of shame and hardheartedness to JM as well as my growing fear that true remorse, repentence, and change would never come. He offered me the rather simple solution of resuming my morning quiet time with God and encouraged me specifically to meditate on the power of the gospel in conquering my debt of sin. So, may I emphatically testify to the difference!!



"Awake, O sleeper and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you" Eph. 5:14

Baby Pictures!

Merry Post-Christmas Pictures...

These are a couple of Christmas picture rejects that I thought were funny or interesting. In the "serious" shot, make sure to see Elijah's face. I think he's mad about the hat. :-)

Why I haven't blogged in a LONG time...Part 1

Here are some pictures from the early summer that I took with my new camera. I am trying to upload some more, but the blogger tool is not being my friend...


















The garden photos are from before the drought. So I did make some pretty things, and a few tasty things as well. The shocking part is that just yesterday I went out and picked two ripe red tomatos from my pitifully thirsty vines.








The chickens in the picture are only part of my flock. Actually, the brown one is now in chicky heaven, but she has been replaced by seven young and various hens. I hope to have a rainbow egg basket in time for Easter. If I get some time, I will photo the gals and blog them. We'll see.

Keeping up

I learned earlier today that my cousin Michelle (the dead sexy Terri Hatcher look-alike sitting next to Mr. Clean on my kitchen wall for those of you who visit my house) keeps up with me through my blog. Pang of guilt! Blog! I think to myself, what blog? Okay, I know that I constantly apologize to the few of you who do read this thing. So enough grovelling for now. How about a life update?

We are still enclosing our garage. I am creeping ever closer to 26 years old. Our family is going to Hawaii starting on June 11-19. Which means I will be gone over Father's Day as well as my birthday. Anyway, I think I have finally reached the age where it's better not to remember your birthday on purpose. So I am okay with that. Titus is about to be 2 years old. I am 15 weeks along in my third pregnancy, and have spent a good part of the last hour contemplating just how many children we will have. Also, what it will be like to tell my dad that we are expecting our fifth child someday. I can't decide if we should push it that far. But I know that I do not want to give birth to any children after I am thirty. (Sound strange? Here's why. I don't want twins. If you don't understand, ask Julie Cochran.) Which means that, if we proceed at the pace that we are currently procreating, we will end up with 5. Yipe! Back to the life update. I am currently knitting a sweater for Tabitha to give her when the baby comes. I also plan to knit a baby blanket for "it" as well as some undecided object for Titus, that will probably also be a sweater. I am still teaching Tabitha how to write her letters, as well as how to sound out simple words. I become more terrified of homeschooling her with each passing day. I am not disciplined or patient enough (at this moment) to do this every day with her. I trust that God will provide grace when the time comes. I do have three chickens now. Their names are Onyx, Chinna, and Gabby. Chinna is how Titus pronounces "chicken". I am looking towards potty-training Titus in the near future. I am also kicking myself for not having already done so in the face of a 12 hour plane flight to Hawaii. By the way, if any of you have some ideas for how to care for two small children over a 12 hour flight, I am taking suggestions. Our van has been acting up lately, as in, the air conditioner is possessed. Did I mention it's stinking hot in Watkinsville and for some reason refuses to rain? This same fact is negatively affecting my poor flower garden. I have chosen not to attempt a vegetable garden this year. Belle, our dog, is primarily the reason for that. Does anyone want Belle? Let me tell you a little something about our dog. She is a bulldog, a breed known for digging, drooling, and not known for jumping. However, our dog is a jumper. In fact, though we keep her in a 5 1/2 foot tall fenced-in yard, she can still escape. How? By jumping over the fence. Yes I am telling the truth, I have seen her do it with my own two eyes. So, we now have an electric fence running along the edge of our tall, sturdy wooden one in order to contain our pet. She does enjoy jumping on our trampoline as well. She uses it more than the kids.

Johnmark is still working part-time for the church. I think we are up for some kind of re-assessment this month, but I haven't heard anything so far. He is also working part-time painting cars still. He's been really busy this week. There's always a lot going on with the church, and I am glad for what he is able to do to help. This life-season, of course, still feels as though we are suspended between places. Which is basically how things are. I am growing slowly in understanding the demands of ministry, and the difference it makes in how I get to spend my time. Apparently, I am a lot more selfish than I was thinking I am. :-) But God is faithful, and I am trying to put that sin to death. Okay, I have no more time for blogging. I will do my best to post some pictures soon. Hopefully of the kids, and hopefully in Hawaii. Maybe I will put one of me too. Actually, don't count on it. :-)

What I never did on a High School Math Test. :-0

I cried. I was actually laughing that hard. Thank you facebook. Hope you enjoy this. :-)

News

Hey all,
Just been reading some fascinating stuff at Dr. Al Mohler's blog. Mostly I am encouraged by the idea that the battle over abortion seems closer to the end. Praise God for ultrasounds! I suppose this would be a convenient moment to reveal my secret. JM and I are ten weeks and three days into our third pregnancy. We are very excited, and I have pondered more than once the possibility that this is twins. I have been more tired and nauseated than both of the other two pregnancies combined! But I am so thankful that this trimester ends in a few weeks. Mark your calendars for November 30. Of course, my kids have a habit of being late. So it might be better to just block out that whole week. :-)

April is Almost Over

...and what have I done with the time? Mostly, I have a hard time remembering. :-) That's a hint for some of you. More to come on this mysterious portion of my blog entry next week. Like, May 2 to be exact. So, back to what I was saying. I have managed to remember that JM and I went out of town this month with our Senior Pastor and his wife. We all drove to Maryland for a week and participated in a Sovereign Grace leadership conference. It was great! The guest speaker was R.C. Sproul. I so appreciate his life, and how he has been so dedicated to exposing the truth of Scripture, and in particular his "Luther-like" clench on the Sovereignty and Holiness of God. Thank God for men like that. He spoke for two nights; the first passage was Isaiah 6 (the holiness of God) and the second was the Transfiguration (the holiness of Christ). We also heard a great message by David Powlison on the proper purpose of introspection, and the purpose of studying our sinfulness. That being that it rightfully should drive us to the cross, increase our understanding of our need for God, and repent in order to pursue holiness and overcome sin by the power of the Spirit's working within us. Stopping the process at any point prior to repentence and seeking to overcome is not the way God intended it. At least, I think that was what he was saying. JM and I had a little debate on the intent of this message. And if he (JM) had a blog, I would send you his way for further clarification. As it is, you are stuck with me and my (perhaps) misguided view of things.

I will say that of all the things that happened that week, I was perhaps most encouraged by the time JM and I had with Paul and Darby. We spent a good bit of time discussing our personal lives, specifically the weaknesses and strengths within our respective marriages and family lives. I was so envisioned by the end to persevere, particularly in parenting. It was good to have two other sets of eyes watching over our lives. Paul and Darby have such grace in their communication, so it was easy to hear areas where JM and I need improvement, or at least areas of sin that we weren't really seeing on our own. My hope is in the Lord, but part of His plan for me is to place me in the care of a local body that loves my enough to speak difficult truths and apply the gospel in places I would rather hide from. Thank God for this glorious means of His grace!

Chicken Party. Seriously...

I am getting chickens in T minus 2 days and counting. YAYY! Three pet chickens which will subsequently provide our family with eggs (in a few months when they begin laying, provided our bulldog doesn't eat them in the meantime). We are picking up the coop from my sister-in-law's parents' house on Thursday. A completely pre-made and intact coop. Her parents are getting out of the chicken business. And the chickens are being donated by my good friend (whom I respectfully refer to as "the boss" ) Kim Thomas. In any case, I have decided that I must be a country girl after all. I have a (albeit really really tiny) garden, and (eventually) a yard full of kids, and as of two days, chickens. Well, okay, maybe not a farmer. Need a tractor or something for that. Perhaps a cow. Not likely. Oh well, I do knit. That's farmy, right?

Happy Birthday, Honey!

Johnmark,
I love you so much. You are my hero, my lover, and my best friend. I care for you more deeply than I ever thought possible. You embody the love of our Savior to me. You are humble, self-sacrificing, patient, and gentle. You lead me with grace, and by your strength in the Lord's faithfulness. You care for our children with a steady balance of discipline and love. You bring the Gospel of Christ to them. You teach us all with your example of servant-leadership. You imitate Christ in your love for the Church. You listen. You are slow to anger. I can not imagine life apart from you, and I trust by God's amazing grace that your spiritual fruit will only muture and sweeten as we continue to walk the road home together. I love you,

Taylor

Lots of Things

That is the title of the email JM sent me last Monday. It is an accurately blurry description of my recent life. And although I am completely exhausted at the moment, I did want to share a moment of clarity that I had about half an hour ago. I was walking through the kitchen carrying my sleeping Tabby to lay her down for an overdue nap. I glanced at what was left of the lunch I almost got to eat earlier in the day (which I am now consuming while blogging...veggie lasagna, by the way). I realized at that moment how wonderful and comfortable my life was. I have delicious (albeit leftovers) food to eat. I can choose whatever I want for a meal. I can go to the grocery store (like I did this morning) and splurge on a piece of chocolate cake, or some sparkling water (I bought both today). I can come home to my quiet, air-conditioned house that smells like clean (and unfolded) laundry and rest for a while before my kids wake up. I had a bath today. With wonderful Melaleuca shampoo (more later on that topic). My husband, bless God, wanted to work extra hard today, so he could come home early and give me a nap. What kind of husband is that wonderful?! Besides all of that, I have had so much time to read Scripture today. What amazing grace our Lord gives us. After reading several chapters each of Exodus, Job, Luke, and 1 Cor.(I am trying to catch up on my read-through-the-Bible-in-a-year plan), I realized how much I have that I don't deserve, and how much I take for granted, and how much God loves and takes care of me anyway. I believe I will be among the least in the Kingdom of Heaven, but wow. I am a citizen of it. My heart's cry is that I would become less on this earth, so that my glory could be in Heaven, and God's glory in all.

Proirities

So much to say. I am thankful beyond measure for JM and how he has served through the preaching of the word over the past two Sundays. I have been continuously convicted. I am not meek, I do not mourn. I want to change(well, sort of), but find myself believing the lie that greater pleasure lies elsewhere. Yesterday I was so struck with a desire to mourn that I really felt like an Israelite. I wanted to don the sackcloth and sit in my living room until the fullness of my sin was upon me. I wanted my two children to bear witness to me, so that they might also understand the vileness of sin. I used to read in the Old Testament about this activity (donning the sackcloth and ashes) and thought it was a ridiculous thing. I mean, who does that? What's the point? Aren't they just crying for pity...doing this to be seen by others? Well, I think yesterday the appeal to me was that I wanted to be humbled by demonstration of my wretchedness before God and my family. In any case, I didn't go through with it. :-) In case you were wondering.

I do want my heart to remain there. Go farther in fact. We really are cast on the mercy of Christ at all times. He is, in fact, so merciful that even when we tout His great mercy as our own accomplishment, He has greater mercy still to show us what we are doing against His Name. Wow.


To APPEND:

I want to confess that I am losing steam on the "schedule". Pray for me. Also, I am losing the battle with impatience a little more often these days. Finally, there is a college overnight retreat coming up at the end of this month (girls only) that I am sort of, well, basically in charge of. Much grace is needed, as I still have not begun work on what I am to say. I do have a vague idea...biblical womanhood. Such a small topic, I know. :-)

Habit...

I don't really have anything spectacular to report, I am just trying to keep up this "habit" of blogging. I am planning my flower beds this week. And (if I get really ambitious) my veggie beds as well. Also, I have begun reading a book by Paul...er that is, John Bunyan called The Holy War. I am only on Chapter 3, but so far, a great read.

JM and I continue to grow in our adjustment to the new life. I primarily speak of his job and consequent schedule change.

I would covet your prayers on behalf of a new friend of ours. A man named Keith. He is searching hard for a job. He has an interview today at 4:00. Please pray for him.