Never Time

Will the whirlwind ever stop? I can't really tell from here, but this morning (as with every other morning I can remember for a long while) I am tired. We are hosting several and various college students in our home of late, and, in addition to mothering two wee ones, attempting to cook, clean, and care for guests and maintain something of a marriage :-) I am really tired. Don't get me wrong, JM and I are having the time of our lives; I personally really love having so many people around, I just wish I could have the energy that Tabitha does all the time. Okay, so why am I blogging? First of all, because I just walked into the office looking for the Swiffer and I realized the golden oppurtunity before me. No one needs me right now. Second, because I feel tremendous blogger's guilt for not writing in so long. And third, perhaps most importantly...I have something to say. :-) Recently, I have been quite convicted about the lack of thanksgiving on my lips and in my prayers. So, I am desirous to change there. 1 Corinthians talks about the gift of tongues and within the idea that one of the primary purposes of tongues is to speak thanks to God for self-edification. Now I have understood for some time the concept of tongues as a form of intercessory prayer and have seen the Lord move powerfully in that particular Spirit manifestation. Unfortunately, I don't think I've ever recognized tongues as a mode of giving thanks to God. Consequently, I don't know that I have ever really meditated on God's character and actions toward me long enough to be provoked to speak in tongues of thanksgiving. And that, my friends, is sad. I desire a heart that bursts open with thanksgiving to God. So there is indeed some idol smashing to be done in me. Lord, help me not to love this world more than you! I desire to know Your face, and to be truly in love with You. I want to be more thankful for You, God!

Just a minute...

So, I am shamefully overdue with this blog...yipe! Well, in the midst of five weddings and a baby or two this spring (the babies aren't mine consequently), I am not finding a lot of free time for deep thought. Or really lengthy shallow thought either. Although I had quite and interesting conversation with my husband and some friends over the moral issue of plant ownership. Maybe I'll get into that some other time. I did want to post about something the Lord has shown me is a big struggle for me, and that is prayer in solitude. I tend to prefer to pray with someone else or a group of people, and I really sense the Lord meeting me in those times. However, when I am alone and (as is often the case lately) distracted or tired, that time can be dry and difficult. I have had seasons of life when I just desire time alone with the Lord, meditating on His goodness and character and sensing His pleasure and presence with me. So, by default, I know who has moved, and it must be me. Now, don't get me wrong, I know that the Lord, although generous with His Spirit, is under no obligation to make the sensing of His Spirit an essential or even customary element to prayer. I think if I spent more time appreciating the value of the fact that I can even enter into the presence of the Lord at any time (or at all) then I might be more humble and more grateful for this Mighty Savior whom I serve. All this to say that I am in pursuit of Him in this area of my life.

As an aside, I also am so thankful for our pastor and his faithfulness to bring truth to us each week and challenge and direct us to our Lord. Had a wonderful sermon about love on Sunday, and in particular I was affected by the following:

(1 Cor. 13 description of love has just been read)

"If you are here today saying I want to be loved like that, then you've missed it. You're ALREADY loved like that!! Look to the cross, you've already been loved like that. But as it says in the next few verses, 'Pursue love' ; You are meant to love others in the way that you have already been loved! "

Okay so that's probably not a perfect, word for word up there, but certainly it is the essence of what Paul was trying to communicate. Can I get an amen?

I love my Son!

This is a recent picture of Titus, my little man. He is about ten months old and I realized that I don't have any pictures of him on my blog. That is sad. So, now my blog (and hopefully your day) have been brightened by this precious face. What a ladykiller! 

Encouragement in Modesty

So, if you have not been reading the girltalk blog lately, they have been talking about modesty. This is such a helpful topic for two reasons. First, women rarely realize the effect they can have by dressing modestly, or vice versa. Secondly, it can be somewhat awkward for men to address the topic. In any case, my friend Sam Hill (yes that s really his name) forwarded a wonderful and powerful testimony that was written by a good friend of his. I asked if it would be okay to post it, and he said yes so here it is. The reason it begins "Dear ladies" is because I think she sent this same note over to the girltalk blog girls. Here we go (be encouraged and challenged):

Dear ladies,

My name is Christen - I'm a junior in college outside of Philadelphia. I am so grateful that y'all have focused on modesty the past week or so - and the timing of it is wise!! The spring is an important time for women to be thinking biblically about our dress!!

I wanted to share with y'all my testimony, because I have come to see that modesty was huge in the Lord's work of saving me. I hope that it encourages anybody that reads it - I want to shed light on the glory of Christ Jesus in His mercy and grace in saving an enemy!!

Until a little while ago, I was living in the deception that I was a Christian. My family had always been involved in ministry and the church - I assumed that somewhere along the way I had been saved, too. However, if anyone were to honestly look at my life, it was clear that my heart was void of any love for or delight in Christ. I knew the charade well, but I was miserable. My teenage years are a blur of corruption to me, with a few memories of tiny seeds the Lord was planting in me of desire for Himself, for a greater joy than what the world was offering me. Among other things, one of the areas that I struggled greatly with was immodesty. My pride would feed itself on the pleasure of attention and the ability to tempt guys. It became a constant goal of mine, a habit even - consciously or not - to get as much attention for my looks as I could. Looking back on it, I am just floored by the bondage I was in - I was so unhappy and unsatisfied!!

As I got older, I tried to find the middle ground - I was looking for some sort of "nobility" in the middle of my immodesty, but to no avail. My wardrobe consisted of clothes that may not have been scandalous by the world's measures, but immodest nonetheless. This continued through my freshman year of college and the summer afterwards. The Lord was working in my heart, though. I knew my dissatisfaction with the world, and knew, to an extent, that the Lord was the answer to my desire for real satisfaction and joy. I just lacked the ability or desire within myself to forsake it all for Christ; I didn't know how to get out of my slavery to sin. I recognized these desires for greatness, though, for God. I began to hear the Gospel in a new way - the Lord was not only revealing my heart's dissatisfaction with the world, but was placing people in my life who would preach the Gospel to me! I began to hear about modesty, for the first time in my life, as a way to honor Christ.

At the beginning of my sophomore year of college (fall of 2004), I began to dress less immodestly (not quite modestly, though!). I was looking for hope in the practice of it, but still lacked the heart for Jesus. Therefore, my dress was still only halfway modest, because my heart was only halfway in it. A lot of times, it was just annoying to me!

Then one day, in the fall of 2004, after I had gotten dressed and ready for the day, I looked in the mirror at my "halfway" modest outfit. I looked "acceptable", not ostentatious. Yet I was somehow dissatisfied - I realized I had been dressing so that I could feel modest, yet in my heart I still sought the attention and glory for myself. But that day was different. As I scrutinized my halfway modest outfit, I was tired of it. (Specifically, I felt my clothes were too tight, and my stomach showed if I moved around at all!) I was tired of dressing modestly half-heartedly. In fact, I realized that I was tired of living my entire life half-heartedly. I was worn out by trying to live with one foot in the world and one foot in the kingdom of God. There's no joy in that - it's just exhausting! I believe that on that day, God gave me genuine desires for Himself - I believe He changed my heart that day, credited Christ's righteousness to me, and welcomed me into His kingdom!

My point in all this is that I whole-heartedly second the fact that modesty represents our hearts. I don't believe that I was saved because I started dressing modestly. I believe that the change in my desire to dress modestly was representative of my change of heart. The Lord used modesty as a symbol of a heart redeemed by the death of Jesus Christ.

That was a little over a year ago. Since then, the Lord has only grown me in my understanding and desires to dress modestly. I listened to CJ's sermon on "The Soul of Modesty" and think of it almost everyday. What especially hit me was the statement y'all recently put on the blog: "The woman who loves the Savior avoids immodesty because she doesn't want to distract from or reflect poorly upon the gospel." I think of my own longings to know and love the Lord, and consider my brothers in Christ - they have those same longings. I want to love and serve my brothers - the thought of being a "distraction" from the gospel is a terrifying thought to me.

Dressing modestly is not always easy - it is a challenge! But by the grace of God, it is by no means annoying to me anymore. It is such a joy to know that I am abiding in the love of Christ by how I dress and helping my brothers to do the same!! I don't get the same type of attention from guys as I used to - and what a blessing that is!! When I walk around campus or sit in class or worship in church, I am freer to dwell on the Lord and to know that I am helping others do the same. There is so much joy in dressing modestly. I have a final thought: I would encourage Christian guys to seek to encourage modesty in your sisters. Tell them how valuable it is to you! It only spurs us on to modesty and the glory of God even more! Let's delight in the Lord for His mercy to allow us to know purity - to know Him!!

I hope this is at least encouraging to anyone who reads this, to see the goodness and power of God in a backwards heart. Thank y'all again for teaching us about modesty - it is priceless!!

in Christ,

Christen Rausch

Oh man that's sick!

I mean...I'm sick...again. Bah on sickness, I wanna go to heaven. My kids are sick...allergies? What is that about. I have lived in Georgia all my stinkin life and I have prided myself on NEVER NO NOT ONE SINGLE TIME EVER having allergies. I think the pine trees want revenge. Because last year we cut down about 30 of them between our yard and our next door neighbors. We left one. And if you have read my blog, you recently saw that last pine tree's untimely demise courtesy of my husband and a chain saw. MUAHHAHAHAHA! I laughed that day with vicious joy...at last! no more pokey pine cones and no more raking up pine straw in order to remind myself of the color of grass. You know, before I had that last tree cut down, I actually used to talk smack to it from my kitchen window. In hindsight, this may not have been the best idea. Good thing I am not a pantheist. But seriously, I used to tell the tree that it's days were numbered and that it better not get too comfortable housing nasty lawn-furniture-destroying squirrels and blocking the sun's view of my pitiable garden. Oh no, the day was coming when that tree would be mulch and firewood. Little did I know...that tree cursed me back. Not that I plan on being firewood. But I suppose I have learned the hard way not to talk smack to trees. There is, however, an azalea bush in the front garden...

New Week, New Grace

Last night I went to a ladies' meeting. The topic? Kindness. The result of the time well spent there. Zing! I have been convicted (that's what Zing means) and the verse that did it? Here:

If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.
Luke 6:32-35

The speaker (my good friend Ruth) went on to explain how often, our own family can qualify as "enemies" when their needs or desires are in opposition to our own. Zing! And I would add that it's not my children or husband intentionally being my enemy; rather, the sinfulness of my heart makes me become their enemy. So...God is obviously after something here in my heart. I would guess it's probably sanctifying my big, fat, selfish heart. :-) To end, Ruth shared some ways to combat unkindness, and of course the one that struck me was prayer. She read two different prayers in Ephesians (1:16-23 & 3:14-19) and encouraged us to pray for faith in the power of God, and a greater understanding of the attributes of God, in particular of His love for us. Yeah, I'd say that could be helpful. Lord, HELP ME!!! (This is a common prayer of mine, while it is appropriately desperate for God, it is generally unspecific and lazy. Seeking the face of God, the knowledge of Him, asking for reminders of His faithfulness in order to create more faith in His future grace...these things would do my heart more good than clamoring like a newborn for unspecified help).

Provoked by Spurgeon

I was reading Morning and Evening by C.H. Spurgeon just now, and was so provoked by the passage, I had to share it.


“On him they laid the cross, that he might bear it after Jesus.”

We see in Simon’s carrying the cross a picture of the work of the Church throughout all generations; he is the cross-bearer after Jesus. Mark then, Christian, Jesus does not suffer so as to exclude your suffering. He bears a cross, not that you may escape it, but that you may endure it. Christ exempts you from sin, but not from sorrow. Remember that, and expect to suffer.
But let us comfort ourselves with this thought, that in our case, as in Simon’s, it is not our cross, but Christ’s cross which we carry. When you are molested for your piety; when your religion brings the trial of cruel mockings upon you, then remember it is not your cross, it is Christ’s cross; and how delightful is it to carry the cross of our Lord Jesus!
You carry the cross after him. You have blessed company; your path is marked with the footprints of your Lord. The mark of his blood-red shoulder is upon that heavy burden. ‘Tis his cross, and he goes before you as a shepherd goes before his sheep. Take up your cross daily, and follow him.
Do not forget, also, that you bear this cross in partnership. It is the opinion of some that Simon only carried one end of the cross, and not the whole of it. That is very possible; Christ may have carried the heavier part, against the transverse beam, and Simon may have borne the lighter end. Certainly it is so with you; you do but carry the light end of the cross, Christ bore the heavier end.
And remember, though Simon had to bear the cross for a very little while, it gave him lasting honour. Even so the cross we carry is only for a little while at most, and then we shall receive the crown, the glory. Surely we should love the cross, and, instead of shrinking from it, count it very dear, when it works out for us “a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.”

Caution: New Season Ahead

Well, I just returned from the Ladies' Retreat called Encounter 2006. It featured speakers Carolyn Mahaney (visit her blog here) and Carolyn McCulley (author of Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye?). If you are interested, I had the privilege of "live-blogging" the event along with my friend Sherri (read her blog here). The messages are all posted on her website. Certainly the more disorganized notes are the sessions I worked on, so apologies. Now, the burning question on anyone's mind who has read this far is most likely, what is the new season ahead? But I do have to talk about a couple of things first, before I get to me. :-) One of the highlights of our retreat was this. Our dear pastor's wife, Darby, did an excellent job of preparing in advance to bless the ladies who went on the retreat. She divided the names of all attending from our church and had some of the ladies assigned to pray for each. In addition, she asked that we who prayed would also write a note of encouragement and give a small gift to secretly place on their pillows in the hotel when we arrived. Of course, Darby "forgot" to put her own name on the list of ladies, so some of us figured that out and decided to take matters into our own hands. It was so exciting to put together a gift basket for her and suprise her with it on the trip. As a testimony to how much she means to our ladies, there was so much money given towards the basket that we ran out of ideas for what to give her, and ended up using the money to buy her dinner out the night we gave the gift. She is a precious blessing to our church and I am amazed by God's Sovereign grace in place her among our church body. We love you Darby!!!

And ok. so I had this list of things to do. And really we were encouraged on the ladies' retreat not to try and apply everything that we heard, but rather to choose one thing and seek to change in that area. Well I do have my one thing. But I got home from the retreat and, as expected, my kids and husband were all very glad to see me (trust me the feeling was mutual). The house looked, well, it looked like people had been living in it for a few days without me around to clean up. Also, as expected. Plus, I had picked up something icky while away. My kids both have colds, and JM has some kind of throat thing. So, not only do I have mother-starved kids, they are also sick kids, which makes them extra EXTRA clingy. I also have a husband who is sick, and we know how men act when they get sick. A mountain of laundry, a dirty house, plus all of the regular duties of the week. So. Want to hear what my one thing was? Contentment in any situation. :-) So far, by God's grace, I haven't had a meltdown. The passage in Peter keeps coming to mind.


As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies--in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen. Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. (1Pe 4:10-12)


I have been given a gift in the teachings of the weekend, and the break from the routine of daily life. Now I am to use this gift to serve my family...and serve by the strength God supplies. This is easier to claim on a day like today when I don't feel so well. And God can use this(?!), my dirty house and tired children, to glorify Himself. Wow! Finally, though I would not call this truly a "fiery trial" proper, I am so aware that 899 other women most likely came home to similar dirty houses, and I imagine a good number came home to sick kids. These are certainly common things, and again, the idea that the Lord could be glorified in the mundane hours of my Monday is astounding. And my agenda for the day? Well, the list has transformed from this:

1. Laundry
2. Grocery shopping
3. Bank
4. Meal Calendar for April
5. Plant out seedlings
6. Clean out leftovers
7. Bake Bread
8. Update Finances/Budget

to this:

1. Seek the Lord
2. Serve my kids
3. Leave the house fairly dirty

Leftovers Tuesday

Tonite we had leftover pot roast for dinner. It was the kind of dinner that you keep eating because you think the next bite will taste a little better, a little more like what you remembered having a few nights ago...but it never gets quite that good. In the end you are satisfied, but not really. At least you are full. I think sometimes I can veiw my relationship with God the same way. Shame on me, I will experience the joy of a particular emotionally high time with the Lord, then I coast on that until it is the same feeling as Tuesday leftover dinner. I am not realizing that with God, it is always a feast! I mean, sure there are times in my life when I "feel" really close to God. But I am always His child. I will have the gift of salvation for all eternity, which in itself should spice up any old pot roast quiet time I can have. May I not walk in a manner unworthy of the calling I have received! Lord, teach me to love (all of) Your ways. Remind me that my joy is in my salvation, not my possession, and certainly not my circumstance. You are good to me all of my days, I am bound to eat at Your table for all eternity. What more could I ask?

Johnmark Tree Climbing (With a Chainsaw strapped to him, he's very proud of this)

 

Johnmark and Tabby Fishing

 

Happy Birthday, Sweetheart

Today is my honey's 26th birthday. In light of the fact that he wants nothing remotely resembling a party, I will have to use my blog for the birthday "love gush". :-) You can always stop reading if it gets too gushy. :-)

I have been married to this man for almost *gasp four years now. I have known him closer to six. I still wonder sometimes what God was thinking by giving me such a gift in my husband. He got kind of a raw deal, while I walked away with a precious jewel from the Lord. My husband has been through a greal deal in his life; he is the oldest of ten children, which means a lot of responsibility to be a good example and a great servant. He has excelled as both. He is a strong, yet gentle leader. He does not fear change or heavily weighted situations (though I do). I am amazed by his patience, his steady vision, and his integrity even in the middle of intense challenge. He has also had "misfortunes" in his life. I say it that way because I don't think he would call them that. From breaking his back to rolling a farm tractor onto himself to crashing cars over the sides of mountains to hospitalizing eye injuries to house burnings, God has chosen to repeatedly test my husband in the fire. And by God's grace and power, he continues to come forth as gold. I cannot express the gratitude to God that I feel when I look into Johnmark's eyes. What amazing grace! If you read this post today, I would ask that you think of a way to encourage my husband. If you know him, please give him a call or send him an email expressing God's grace in his life. If you do not know him, please take a few moments to pray for him today. That would be the greatest birthday gift I could give him, the prayers of the saints. :-) Happy birthday, sweetheart!

Discipline

This past Sunday, I really felt impressed by God with the following sentence: "Do not trade in the Disciplines of the Spirit for the Gifts of the Spirit." Our church, you see, is doing a lengthy study on the Spiritual Gifts, what they are, what they are for, which ones who has, etc. As I sense in my heart a desire to have these gifts and to walk in them, I know my temptation will be to less faithfully pursue spiritual disciplines, such as meditation and reading of Scripture, prayer, and the pursuit of holy living. After all, who wants discipline when there's presents laying around? Of course, God in His kindness has not left my heart in such a lazy selfish state. The power of Spiritual gifts is validated by one who is living in accordance with the Spirit of God. Or, as it says in Corinthians,

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing."

I Corinthians 13:1-3

The love that I mean here is not merely a love of others, although that is important. I believe the primary love to which this passage is refering is a love of Other, as in God. From a love for God would flow a love of all others before self, and in particular a love for the saints and the local church. But I do not want to be blinded and miss that a love of God, of Christ, and of the Spirit supercedes all of these things. God says in His word, "If you love me, you will obey my commands." Seeking Him, reading the Word of God, and pursuing the mind of Christ are all necessary for Spiritual gifts to be most effective. I know that God can work through broken cisterns, but how much better to use a vessel set aside for His purpose. May the Lord draw my heart even more to Spiritual disciplines as I "eagerly desire the Spiritual gifts"!

March? What happened to February?

Okay, I know it's been shamefully long since my last post. I am at a place now where I feel like so much has happened that nothing has and there's nothing to say. My kids have been sick for one thing. I have the ever-looming talk on Titus 2, and then there's regular daily life...it's warming up and I have been piddling some in my garden. My peas and turnips are just peeking out of the ground. The daffodils are blooming, along with my pear tree...which in the words of my friend Kim, "makes me feel like I'm way behind". I have a library book that is now a month overdue. Yipe! But I'm STILL not finished with it yet. I hope they don't send the library police after me. My brother-in-law got married last Saturday and my little girl and I were both a part of the ceremony. Johnmark's birthday is 12 days away. And so you see that so much has happened I can't really capture in a post. I will just have to move on. Two things on my mind today...let's see if I can get to them both. First, I wanted to share about one of my favorite times of prayer that I look forward to each week with total expectancy. At 9:00 on each Sunday morning (one hour before the service starts) a handful of us arrive to pray over the service. It is amazing how God moves during that time WITHOUT fail each week. Would that our entire church came to just one of these times to see and be blessed by the power of God. If you have something like this available to you on Sundays, please take advantage. There's no fuel for faith like the heartfelt, desperate prayers of some hungry believers on a Sunday morning. Ok ok, so what does this time look like, you ask? Well, a gentleman in our church sort of "leads" the time. I say this loosely because truly the Spirit of God leads it. Andy brings a passage of Scripture that the Lord has laid on him, or he may mention specific needs the pastor has requested us to pray about (e.g. faith for boldness, sensitivity, physical strength if he hasn't slept well) or sometimes we just pray. We bow our heads and cry out to God for his activity in our midst. We ask for vision, power, anointing of the leaders, sincerity in the worship, open hearts to the message, we pray for the congregation, both generally and naming specific names if the Spirit leads. We pray for visitors to come, we pray for Spiritual gifts to be used freely and without fear of man. Whatever the Lord lays on our hearts, we pray. And here's the AMAZING thing. God answers us. I know it sounds so simple, but when you cry out for 7 visitors to come and exactly that many do, or if you ask for Johnny So-and-so to receive ministry, and he goes forward at the end, or if you pray that God would touch single people and speak encouragement specifically to them, and the pastor stops the service just to pray for single people (having no prior knowledge of your prayer) it is astounding, it is faith-building, and man it makes you want to pray some more. And it makes me want to pray outside of that setting, like when my child has made the same mess for the fourth time in five minutes, I remember God's faithfulness and ask him to bless me with just a little more patience. Or when I am about to care for someone in a difficult place and have no idea what to do, I pray for God to speak through me and the Spirit to use me to bless this person. Oh, it's so powerful what God can use prayer to accomplish. And I don't think I have time to post on this other thing, at least not today. :-) Keep prayin!

What You See Is Weakness

I am putting together a talk for the ladies at my church, most of which are 10+ years older than I am. The funny thing is that I am talking about part of the Titus 2 passage, which calls the older women to train the younger ones to love their husbands and kids, to be self-controlled, chaste, busy at home, etc. I stop with busy at home, because this is my topic. And I am so aware of my failures. And I am so aware of my age, my inexperience, and my general lack. However, I am called to this. The one who called me is not my pastor, my husband, or even the lady in charge of organizing the talks. Thankfully, it is the Lord who has called me to this. He is the only one upon whom I could rely in the midst of this Grand-Canyon sized expanse of weakness. "My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness!" And I am so aware of it, the Lord has reminded me freshly just now of His power, and His plan being worked out in spite of my foolishness and failure. Here is how. I just checked my email. There was one in my inbox from someone named Katie. Now I made friends with a Katie at church recently, and thought she might have emailed me. Boy did the Lord ever blow me away when I opened the mail. It was not from my new friend, but from a total stranger. A sweet sister in the Lord that I have never met, but who by God's amazing grace has been blessed by my blog. Not even just this blog, but one I started in college years ago. When I look back at the things I had written there and see the weakness and the failings (but also the grace of God at work in me, changing my heart) I am amazed all over again. First, that something so filled with my sinfulness could be redeemed by God for good. Second, that Christ would in his kindness allow me to know of this goodness. Third, that this would come at just the right time in my life (this girl says she has read for a while, but just now got an account to share with me) when I needed to know of His power, His working, and His goodness. God is so awesome and so attentive to bless His children! So, to my new friend...thank you so much for your words of encouragement and your heart's cry for the Lord. He works in the midst of your failings and weakness. I pray that you would keep such a soft heart that longs after the things of God. He will not turn a deaf ear to one who knows their contrite position. The Lord knows you are but dust. Developing spiritual disciplines takes patience, humility, and faith in the mighty grace of God. A friend shared a story with me the other day and I wanted to share it in hopes of encouraging you. She said that she has made bread for years, but has recently decided to start making all of the bread their family will need instead of simply making it from time to time. At first, the bread did well some days, and others it did not rise so much, sometimes it turned out really crumbly, sometimes a little overcooked. However, she did not change the recipe. She simply dig in and contibue baking bread. After a little while she started making really great bread. It was better than she ever remembered. And it was consistently better than she remembered. She said sometimes that's what walking in the spiritual disciplines is like sometimes. We struggle, and we forget, and some days it just makes for a crummy, crumbly mess. But, if we persevere, eventually, the Lord will allow us to develop and make for much better things than we can ever remember having before. "Do not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time you will reap a harvest, if you do not give up" Gal 6:9

A love for the Church

Just had a friend of my husband's stop by, and while he was talking with Johnmark, he mentioned that his wife and family are praying and fasting today all day through dinner on behalf of the church. They are praying for the other members to have faith for this coming Sunday's service, as well as for care group. I stood in the kitchen, hearing this, and feeling the jealousy of God in my heart. He longs for me to love his bride in that way. I may not be in a season where fasting is a possibility (I am still nursing my son, and barely able to do that), but boy, God can still use my heart. May I have a heart that so longs after God and the furthering of His kingdom, that my day would be shaped by such a sacrificial love for others. Praise the Lord for such a beautiful gift!

Supreme Court Justices

God has been merciful to our country in allowing President Bush to place two Supreme Court Justices this term. I would say that much of the controversy about the most recent addition, Justice Alito, centers around the Roe v. Wade desicion, which is 33 years old this month. Thank God for men like John Piper, who recently spoke to the issue of Abortion and our role as Christians. I would append to his message that we ought to pray that these conservative judges would have the oppurtunity to overrule and reverse the Roe v. Wade desicion once and for all. By the way, for those of us here in Athens, this is a list of the abortion clinics in our area, please join me in praying for the salvation of the employees, as well as for the (saved and unsaved) women who keep them in business:


A Preferred Women's Health Center
AUGUSTA, GEORGIA
2903 Professional Parkway up to 20 weeks

Northside Women's Clinic
3543 Chamblee-Dunwoody Road
Atlanta, Georgia 30341
*operating since 1969* up to 15 weeks

Dunwoody Women's Medical Group
3114 Mercer University Drive, Suite 100
Atlanta, Georgia 30341
*up to 14 weeks
This is written on their website:
Visitors: Each patient may bring one adult visitor. No children are allowed in the facility.

Atlanta Women's Medical Center
235 W Wieuca Rd
Atlanta, Georgia
*operating since 1975
up to 24.5 weeks...these babies actually have a fighting chance if born by this age.

Feminist Women's Health Center
1924 Cliff Valley Way
Atlanta, Georgia
*up to 24.5 weeks

Summit Medical Center
1874 Piedmont Rd
Atlanta, Georgia
*up to 24.5 weeks

End of the Month Eval.

I can't believe January is over. That means it isn't really a new year anymore (unless you are Chinese). I only have 11/12's of 2006 left to live. How have I spent the time so far this year? I think there is much groundwork to do in establishing, so I would safely say this month has been spent trench-digging for the year. Planning a new schedule for my housecleaning/time management, preparing for a new church location, re-arranging furniture, planning for my garden this year. All preparation for things that will happen later. Something else I have "planned" for this year is/was to really be intentional about pursuing prayer over the first three months of the year. Not that prayer is only important to me during this time, but I do want to focus here for a bit, and then, by God's grace, move to another area and allow this one to continue without being the main focus. And I am already a third of the way through that time. Wow.

What has God done?

Recognize my dry bones, and encourage me to fill them with living water. Now that I have seen my growing need for times of prayer and fasting, it is time to pursue with my heart what I have understood with my mind. Johnmark and I were talking last night about our mutual desire to grow in the area of prayer, and in particular praying together. I am excited that the Lord would move on his heart as I am in this time of growing in commitment to and desire for prayer. Also, this past month the Lord has blessed me with countless oppurtunities to teach Tabitha about prayer, and how God answers her prayers. Example: She had a rash on her little bottom...ok briefly, she went to a friend's house to play and they decided to play dress-up, which means they had to take off their clothes and put on the costumes...well, Tabitha apparently decided diaper qualifies as clothes and took it off. Somehow the other little girl managed to loan her some panties, but regardless, she played for a while soaked in pee pee dress up clothes, and hence a rash on her bottom. So, I talked to her about Jesus fixing her bottom, and she prayed for him to heal her rash, and the next morning, it was totally gone. Totally. I had not put any cream on it, and it had hung on for several days prior to praying (I was actually becoming suspicious that it might be a staff infection) and boom! God heals her. So exciting to see the light go off in her head too. We have been praying for other people who are sick ever since.

So, I am greatly encouraged but also have a sense of urgency not to dimish, but rather increase my efforts and see what God has in store over this increasingly briefer season of prayer!

The Strife of learning SLOWLY

As I walked around my house this morning, sweeping the floor and thinking about what I wanted to write today, I am increasingly fighting the desire to move away from this conviction of prayer. Taylor, move on, there's nothing new to say on this matter, you're floundering...clearly if you just started talking and thinking about this other topic, or just share what you're learning as you prepare to teach in March...and so my thoughts go. But, by God's grace, I also hear a still, small voice saying in the back of my mind "Stay." One simple word, that my steamroller brain wants to blow right past and call in the aftermath a meaningless swirl of dust and not the voice of the Almighty. I am learning now that just as a spiritual discipline becomes difficult, my human tendency is to charge away on some new valiant quest, of which I know there is an inexhaustible list (because I am so far from perfect). But I see that what makes a discipline called a discipline is that when the challenge of it requires you to dig in and continue in spite of the temptation to give up and move on to some more interesting or seemingly relevant task, you must resist and stay the course, crying out for more of God's grace and for your heart to wait on the Lord. To make a simple analogy, let's go back to my sweeping the floor. On many days I manage to get the kitchen swept alright, but as my broom moves closer to the living room and I think about all the furniture I have to move and how I also must walk all the way back to the laundry room to get the dustpan and how if I just look to my left I realize that there are a few dishes that still haven't been put in the dishwasher...and about half the time I lean my broom carefully over the little pile of crumbs and dust that I have swept and walk over to the sink to get these dishes washed; and sometimes at about 5:30 when my husband gets home from work, he makes his way to the couch, stepping across this same broom that has remained all day guarding the small pile of dust (which by neglect of being an unfinished task, the pile of dust is that much smaller), and then I see the broom for the first time all day, and I just can't believe I never got that done.
So now, my spiritual heart is looking around for some dishes! I need to perservere even more. I read a quote the other day that I have not been able to find again, but the gist of it went something like this: The more spiritual the task, the harder it is to cultivate this task. The simpler it may seem, the more difficult to master. I will continue to look for the actual quote, because I feel I have butchered it savagely just now, but my little son is crying for my attention in the other room and that will just have to do for now. :-)

The following is from Charles Spurgeon's Morning and Evening (sorry if you are reading it, I read ahead to this evening's portion). Had a wonderful sermon this week about intimacy with Christ, and this freshly reminds me of the difference between acting as a disciple, and living as a disciple.




“Martha was cumbered about much serving.”
- Luk_10:40
Her fault was not that she served: the condition of a servant well becomes every Christian. “I serve,” should be the motto of all the princes of the royal family of heaven. Nor was it her fault that she had “much serving.” We cannot do too much. Let us do all that we possibly can; let head, and heart, and hands, be engaged in the Master’s service. It was no fault of hers that she was busy preparing a feast for the Master. Happy Martha, to have an opportunity of entertaining so blessed a guest; and happy, too, to have the spirit to throw her whole soul so heartily into the engagement. Her fault was that she grew “cumbered with much serving,” so that she forgot him, and only remembered the service. She allowed service to override communion, and so presented one duty stained with the blood of another. We ought to be Martha and Mary in one: we should do much service, and have much communion at the same time. For this we need great grace. It is easier to serve than to commune. Joshua never grew weary in fighting with the Amalekites; but Moses, on the top of the mountain in prayer, needed two helpers to sustain his hands. The more spiritual the exercise, the sooner we tire in it. The choicest fruits are the hardest to rear: the most heavenly graces are the most difficult to cultivate. Beloved, while we do not neglect external things, which are good enough in themselves, we ought also to see to it that we enjoy living, personal fellowship with Jesus. See to it that sitting at the Saviour’s feet is not neglected, even though it be under the specious pretext of doing him service. The first thing for our soul’s health, the first thing for his glory, and the first thing for our own usefulness, is to keep ourselves in perpetual communion with the Lord Jesus, and to see that the vital spirituality of our religion is maintained over and above everything else in the world.