In the Hands of God

Yesterday, I went in for my 14 week check-up. The midwife had some trouble finding the heartbeat, and so we walked down the hall to the ultrasound room to speed things up. As soon as the image of the baby came on the screen, I felt something was wrong. No movement, and no pulsing chest heart rhythm. The tech targeted the area of the heart to get a reading of the heartbeat. As the monitor scrolled across the screen, instead of sound there was silence. Instead of the yellow fluctuation of a pulse reading, there was a solid gray streak. I already knew, but the midwife softly said, "Taylor, I am not seeing any cardiovascular activity..." I began to sob uncontrollably. My heart broke in two and I felt so alone in that room. The women with me tried to offer comfort, but to no avail. The only comfort to be had in that time was from God, and I don't know that either of them realized this. I was taken to a room to grieve while Johnmark was called up to the hospital. I called a friend who had recently been through this tragedy and she prayed for me as I waited. God sent His peace. It has been with me ever since. Last night, we went to care group. We wanted to pray for a miracle. At least to ask our mighty God, who has the authority over life and death, to give back this baby. I know that may sound crazy, but that is okay. I wanted to place my trust in Him, even in this. As far as I know, there has been no change. The baby may not live (at least not here, I will know this child. It is a matter of when and where, not whether or no) or perhaps God has a radical miracle in store for our little world. My hope is steadfast in Him. I say with Job, "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away; blessed be the name of the Lord." Thank you to everyone who has called, written, prayed, texted, stopped by, emailed, or just condoled in some way. God is good and faithful, and I want you to hear and see loudly this blazing testimony of His power. This has not come lightly, but it does bear witness heartily that what is in the Bible is true. In the midst of tragedy and suffering, it is true that He has been our refuge and strength and ever-present help. I do not question His goodness, or doubt His plan. He is good. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Abortion and Obama

Two posts in one day is a definite record for me. This is an issue I cannot overlook. I am unapologetic about my dislike of and complete opposition to Barak Obama. I know that some of you who read this blog are planning to vote for him. Please read this link before you settle on such a man. He may sound and look good, but the issue of abortion, TRULY, reveals a heart that is evil. It is not to be taken lightly that he is considered, "the most extreme pro-abortion candidate ever to seek the office of President of the United States." Further: "He is the most extreme pro-abortion member of the United States Senate. Indeed, he is the most extreme pro-abortion legislator ever to serve in either house of the United States Congress" I do not believe it is possible in good conscience to vote for such a person NO MATTER WHAT the justification he gives for this position. Here is the link.

Pray for India

The following is an email I received recently from Love N Care I urge you to read and consider fasting as well as to pray for these persecuted and martyred believers in India. This is a first hand account from a trusted personal friend of mine who serves over there.

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"Maybe you’ve not heard about the terrible things that have been happening in several of the States in India in recent weeks. I’m sending this out to our email news recipients, because, according to one of our sources, too much of what’s really happening is getting by “under the radar.” There have been reports of violence against Christians in the State of Karnataka, and in the north of India, especially in the State of Gujarat, Over recent weeks, however, it is located principally in the State of Orissa. Below, I share one of these reports with you.

The following report is from husband and wife missionaries on the scene in Orissa. Their ministry, Good News India, is involved with rescue of “throw-away children.”It was passed on to us via friends who work with Wycliff Bible Translators. The “Dream Centers,” are, as I understand it, children’s homes. I should add, that the shootings that started this all, happened about three weeks ago.

“URGENT PRAYER REQUEST!
Dear beloved sponsors and friends
of Good News India. We have never seen anything like this. We
knew that Orissa was the most resistant and hostile State in India as
far as the Gospel is concerned. And we brushed off the continuous
threats and harassment we faced as we went about His work. But
none of our staff imagined that they would see this kind of carnage....
And it seems to be totally under the radar of the Western Media ....
Let me explain.... A militant Hindu priest and 4 of his attendants,
who were zealously going around the villages of Orissa and
"reconverting" people back to Hinduism, were gunned down by unknown
assailants in Central Orissa…. Immediately the
Christians were blamed. The cry rose up..."Kill the Christians!"
And the horror began.... In the past 4 days, we have first hand
witness to hundreds of churches being blown up or burned and many, many
dozens of Christian tribals have been slaughtered. For no other reason
than they bear the name of Christ.

“Night and day I have been in
touch with our Good News India Directors spread across 14 Dream
Centers in Orissa... they are right in the middle of all this chaos.
In Tihidi, just after the police came to offer protection, a group of
70 blood-thirsty militants came to kill our staff and destroy the home.
They were not allowed to get in, but they did a lot of damage to our
Dream Center by throwing rocks and bricks and smashing our gate, etc.
They have promised to come back and "finish the job." Our kids and
staff are locked inside and have stayed that way with doors and windows
shut for the past 3 days. It has been a time of desperately calling on the Lord in prayer.

“More police have come to offer protection. In
Kalahandi, the police and some local sympathizers got to our
dream center and gave our staff and kids about 3 minutes notice to
vacate. No one had time to even grab a change of clothes or any
personal belonging. As they fled, the blood thirsty mob came to kill
everyone in the building. We would have had a mass funeral there, but
for His grace. In Phulbani, the mob came looking for Christian
homes and missions. The local Hindu people, our neighbors turned them
away by saying that there were no Christians in this area. So they left.
We had favor. The same thing happened in Balasore.

“All our dream centers are under lock down with the kids and staff huddled inside and
police outside. The fanatics are circling outside waiting for a chance
to kill. Others were not so fortunate. In a nearby Catholic
orphanage, the mob allowed the kids to leave and locked up a Priest and
a computer teacher in house and burned them to death. Many believers
have been killed and hacked into pieces and left on the road.... even
women and children. At another orphanage run by another
organization, when this began, the Director and his wife jumped on
their motorbike and simply fled, leaving all the children and staff
behind. Every one of our GNI directors that I have spoken to said: "We
stay with our kids.... we live together or die together, but we will
never abandon what God has called us to do." More than 5000
Christian families have had their homes burned or destroyed. They have
fled into the jungles and are living in great fear waiting for the
authorities to bring about peace. But so far, no peace is foreseen.
This will continue for another 10 days.... supposedly the 14 day
mourning period for the slain Hindu priest. Many more Christians will
die and their houses destroyed. Many more churches will be smashed
down. The Federal government is trying to restore order and perhaps
things will calm down. We ask for your prayers. Only the Hand of God
can calm this storm. None of us know the meaning of persecution. But
now our kids and staff know what that means. So many of our kids coming
from Hindu backgrounds are confused and totally bewildered at what is
happening around them. So many of their guardians have fled into the
jungles and are unable to come and get them during these trying times.
Through all this, I am more determined than ever to continue with
our goal: the transformation of a community by transforming its
children. Orissa will be saved... that is our heart's cry. If we can
take these thousands of throw-away children and help them to become
disciples of Jesus, they will transform an entire region. It is a long
term goal, but it is strategic thinking in terms of the Great
Commission. What can you do? First, please uphold all this in
fervent prayer. Second, pass this e-mail on to as many friends as you
can. We must get the word out and increase our prayer base for this is
spiritual warfare at its most basic meaning. We are literally fighting
the devil in order to live for His Kingdom. The next 10 days are
crucial. We pray for peace and calm to pervade across Orissa.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please pass it on and help
us to get as many people to partner with us on this cutting edge effort
to fulfill His mandate: Go and make disciples of all nations....
Prayer works!”

As you probably know from an earlier email from Monika, there was some spill-over of all this violence, perpetrated upon one of our LNC churches. Orissa is the next State to the north, and not very far from Visakhapatnam."

Tabitha's Birthday

So I was just clearing off my camera card into the computer, and decided to post a few recent pictures of our family. JM is the family photographer, so he isn't in any of the pictures, but there are some cute ones of the kids. This one is special for three reasons. First, it's Tabitha's birthday dinner. Second, Tabby and I are doing one of our favorite activities. Third, we are eating at Agua Linda (holy moly it's so good!) which is so fabulous I couldn't even put down the fork long enough to smile. Here are some more pictures from the birthday celebration:

Monthly Post

I have been praying for a greater measure of joy, as well as increasing wisdom in parenting. So, I consequently have been reading in Psalms and Proverbs for my time with God. Wow. I am learning a lot about joy, its true nature and source being rooted in the gospel. I say "learning," but these are things I know already. I suppose, "experiencing the reality of this on a deeper and more foundational level" might be a better description. Joy, you see, in my functional beliefs, is largely based on getting what I want, and not really having to work for what I get. Effort, in my self-absorbed opinion, robs me of joy. So, having to do the hard work of correcting my children, responding to sinful behavior, seeking God through reading, prayer and meditation, caring for others, cleaning my house, etc.etc. or really just having to live in a fallen world, all made for some serious lack of joy. My source of joy has been a dried up well of self-effort tempered with the poor, sludgy substitute of comfort and ease. Man, where's the gospel? I think I have been ignoring it's power and function as the true source of joy. Looking over the Psalms, I am constantly reading of circumstances, emotions, and afflictions that far outdo my worst battle with a toddler. Over and over, the writer uses the truth of God's unwavering faithfulness, strength, mercy, and love (all most clearly demonstrated in His gracious response to my sin by sending Jesus Christ to suffer and die for my substitutional punishment) to strike a deathblow to his emotions, and to overpower the influence of his circumstances. The result is some of the most compelling declarations of happiness and joy, anchored outside of himself and his circumstances. If I desire that kind of joy in God, clearly, I need the truth of Scripture, most pointedly the truth of the gospel, to be poured over my thoughts and my heart. This I have in unhindered abundance through the Holy Spirit, through the Word, and through the Church. More on wisdom later...

Blog Promo

So you might have noticed some upgrades to my site here, and my profile as well. The reason is that my husband has just begun a blog of his own. In helping him to navigate the wonderful world of widgets and HTML (his blog is totally blinged out by yours truly, so you should tell him what a nice site he has when you visit!), I decided to also fix my poor little blog up and modernize. FYI, JM is much more likely to be a faithful blogger than I am, so I won't be offended if you start reading his instead of mine. It will at least ease my perpetual state of blogger's guilt. :-) So click here, or check my side bar for a permanent link.

On a somewhat related note, I will be posting some pictures here soon of items that I have knit lately. I am in the middle of Baby Shower Summer, with many handmade gifts to give out. This is related because in updating my profile, I mention that I am a knitter, and so I thought it would be nice to prove it. You know, build up the blogger/bloggee sense of trust. Ok, that's all for now.

Self Sufficiency (Unfinished post from back in June)

Hey, so I was going back through my old posts looking for some pictures I thought I had loaded, and found this draft of an old post. While its application transcends, don't think that I am currently potty training my son or that I am still freshly in the midst of this particular struggle. I thought it might be worth publishing as a reminder to myself, and hopefully to encourage anyone who might be closer to this struggle. Here it is:


Yesterday. I had a meltdown. It was potty training induced, but fed by an application of the previous Sunday's sermon. (I will link when the sermon is up online.) I realized initially, that I did not trust God with my daily life. I was trusting a godly lifestyle, perhaps, but not God himself. The difference, for those of you who think I am splitting hairs (which I am not doing, by the way), is clear by the fruit of my labors, as well as the state of my heart in moments of testing. First of all, the fruit. I have been increasingly aware of the weight of my burden as a wife and mother of three young children, with many added responsibilities from the church, extended family, and community. Where was I going for strength? Well, truly, I was simply digging in my heels and trying to cope. Now don't miss my point, I was reading my Bible. I wanted to hear from God. But I was not relying on him. I was not motivated to care for others because of how Christ has cared for me (most importantly, his sacrificial death and resurrection). I was using the Bible as a tool to accomplish my own agenda (to relieve the potential guilt of not reading it, for example). I was attacking my children with Bible verses, but not necessarily imparting grace and hope, because I did not rest on those things myself. I was seeking the Holy Spirit, even, so that I could "feel" better, and "experience" God. Again, please don't hear what I am not saying. Those things are good, but my corrupt heart was wrecking their true purpose. If I am not ultimately surrendered to God, and motivated by an understanding of His grace and goodness (a.k.a. the functional gospel), all other work is prideful at the core and is therefore compromised by sin. It is good to seek God. It is good to experience the power of the Holy Spirit, it is good to care for my friends and to speak God's word to my children. What has been missing in all of those things, for me, has been a general reliance on and submission to God. My heart is not fully trusting Him. Now, the second evidence, which came about in the moment of testing, also demonstrated trust not in God or His promises, but in my own abilities. If I am relying on myself for strength and grace in the fiery trials, then I will, with very few exceptions outwardly (and always inwardly) fail. What's in my heart? Rage, selfish ambition, jealousy, hatred, and all sorts of evil things. Now, as a believer, the gospel is also in my heart and with it peace, patience, grace, love, joy, mercy, gentleness and all sorts of good things. So, in moments of testing, which group do I tend to resemble? Well, that helps to discern which part of my heart is governing in those moments. It is easy to confuse quiet with true peace, happiness with true joy, or convenience with the dispensation of grace. And again, God does give us such seasons of rest and peace and convenient life circumstances, they are not evil in of themselves. The trick is that, in those seasons, it is far more difficult to discern where our hearts rest. Have we chosen the rock-solid truth of the gospel? Or have we gone soft and forgotten the depth of our need for a Savior? Nothing brings out the truth like the testing of trials and pain. Or smushy poo all over the otherwise freshly cleaned living room floor...

Jam Time!

Strawberry picking, phase one...Washington Farms.

The whole family came along for the trip to collect 3 gallons worth of strawberries! Here are some pictures of all of us, doing our strawberry picking thing.

The kids were really cute picking and eating and saying "Mom! I found another one! Come look!" We definitely picked waaaay too many, but it was a great time, not too hot that day. I was









Titus and Tabs also took a little time to visit the goats and pump some water.

A New Day

A quick life update:

I have been gardening, here are some pictures:







































Also, I finally got my Sonlight home school curriculum in the mail. Yay! I started on it today with the kids, and it is not nearly as overwhelming as I imagined. So I love that.

We have been doing some "house-cooling" home improvement projects lately, including new shades, new curtains, new attic fan, and the repainting of the side exterior door (from black to white).

Of course, I am knitting, but I can't say what, because it's all gifts for my pregnant friends and family. By the way, I happen to know 9 pregnant people due this summer. Plus a couple of others who are due later on. Fortunately, I am not among them. Yet...

I am trying to take more pictures of things lately. Hopefully, it will inspire me to blog, and I will get some use out of our new camera. I am terrible picture taker. I also don't prefer to be in pictures. On a side note, JM is going to be helping me get over this camera shyness, meaning he will be taking my picture a lot. If he manages to get a good one (where I do not look poopy-frightening and/or extremely uncomfortable) I might blog it. Don't count on it, though. If you forgot what I look like, just pretend I look like Cher, but shorter and less hair. Actually, don't pretend that. Maybe I should post a picture after all. :-)

Finally, I wanted to re-envision my blog's purpose today. The pursuit of God in daily-ness means to me that I want to share with you how I functionally live according to the transforming grace of God by seeking to apply the Gospel to every part of my life. This may not sound exciting, but to me it is and here is why: As a homemaker, mother of three, and small-town American woman, it is easy for me to feel as though my life does not make much difference. In particular, I can feel that as a Christian, I am not really influencing the world for Christ. After all, I am not smuggling Bibles into Sri Lanka or China. I am not serving in disease infested jungles building houses and roads. I am not feeding starving orphans in Africa. I don't even make any money to support these grand missions, because my husband is the one who works. So. It's easy to feel small. But, the amazing truth, and the reason for writing this blog is because those feelings I have from time to time are quite inaccurate. They do not hold up to the test of Biblical truth. God calls me to "walk in a manner worthy of the calling I have received." And he has called me to be the wife and mother that I am, to lay down my plans and dreams and desires for the sake of serving God through my local church. In this there is great fulfillment as my mundane actions of changing diapers, cooking meals, and sweeping the floor become submitted to the will and glory of God. Serving with joy in this life I am called to makes the gospel appealing to those who see. Most importantly, my unbelieving children are affected. Secondly, those within the church who are not saved see this testimony of grace. Finally, the relationships within the community that God sends my way are influenced (though they often do not know it) by the gospel. And when the gospel is my motivation, suddenly the ability to witness to others is greatly increased. If the answer to any question of why I do something is "because of the gospel," how could I help but share this good news with anyone who asks? Of course, the gospel is not meant only for salvation, but also for the purpose of changing my heart daily into the image of Christ. The gospel brings power to overcome sin, and to grow in love with my Savior, Jesus Christ. So, walking out this calling is also for the purpose of edifying the believers in my life, and spurring them on in their walk. Wow! Suddenly, what I am called to is truly meaningful. I am a minister of reconciliation between God and His creation. My simple life carries the weighty responsibility of pointing in every way, to the God who made me and saved me for His glory. How kind of Him to allow even my dirty dishes and hungry children to bring glory to Himself. Praise God, from whom all blessings flow!

Which Came First?

Well, for me the answer is undoubtedly, the chicken! Or rather, chickens...6 of which remain from the flock I started last August. These crazy chickens have been growing, eating, dirt-bathing, molting, getting stuck on the wrong side of the fence, cackling, roosting, and doing all other regular chicken activities with the important exception of LAYING EGGS. I have almost lost my mind over trying to figure out why in the world (could they be underfed? overfed? not enough free space? too much free space? not enough nests? wrong nest bedding? wrong food? not enough light? do they hate me? am I pressuring them? are they really roosters that looks like hens? are they just duds?) they haven't laid eggs. Well, a few weeks ago, I was ready to give up and leave them on the wrong side of a long country road. I decided instead to buy some more chickens and see if the problem was with my chickens or with me. It took a while to get everything ready, but today I went to a local farm and got 6 more. After setting up a new pen, making room, etc., etc. I finally had all my chickens in order. As I was walking inside I noticed something on the ground under one of my patio planters. Here is a picture:

Of course, I am sooooooo happy to know that no one is playing a cruel joke, and this egg did indeed come from one of my own chickens. Now I know the problem was with me being impatient more than anything else, and I am looking forward to supplying eggs for all my friends, especially now that I have 6 more chicks. Hee hee!

Why am I awake?

Been meaning to do this for days...should I get back into the habit of blogging? Do I have five minutes and one complete thought to spare? Well, if nothing else, I can at least feign accountability through my present effort. I have been thinking about lots of things lately, but one I mean to share is this: Getting up before my kids to spend time with the Lord is indispensable. This morning, JM and I sat together on the couch, snuggled up and praying together, and (even though I was pretty tired) I have not felt so refreshed in a looong time. Over the past couple of weeks, I have been in this terrible cycle of sinning, feeling condemned by guilt, failing to apply the gospel, and waking up each morning to the sound of my son (or on occasion my other son) asking for food. Sometimes it sounds like this: "Mommy, I hungee. I want pancakes mommy." Or it also sounds like this: "WAAAAAHHH!" (translation, why isn't Dairy Queen, also known as me, open yet?!) In any case, hitting the ground running after a sinful yesterday and a sleepless last night is not a good plan for a grace-filled today. If you don't believe me, ask my kids. I am pretty sure I have been walking around my house all day frowning and donning the wooden spoon for about a week and a half. Last Tuesday on our date, I was confessing my sin and my general sense of shame and hardheartedness to JM as well as my growing fear that true remorse, repentence, and change would never come. He offered me the rather simple solution of resuming my morning quiet time with God and encouraged me specifically to meditate on the power of the gospel in conquering my debt of sin. So, may I emphatically testify to the difference!!



"Awake, O sleeper and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you" Eph. 5:14

Baby Pictures!

Merry Post-Christmas Pictures...

These are a couple of Christmas picture rejects that I thought were funny or interesting. In the "serious" shot, make sure to see Elijah's face. I think he's mad about the hat. :-)