Self Sufficiency (Unfinished post from back in June)

Hey, so I was going back through my old posts looking for some pictures I thought I had loaded, and found this draft of an old post. While its application transcends, don't think that I am currently potty training my son or that I am still freshly in the midst of this particular struggle. I thought it might be worth publishing as a reminder to myself, and hopefully to encourage anyone who might be closer to this struggle. Here it is:


Yesterday. I had a meltdown. It was potty training induced, but fed by an application of the previous Sunday's sermon. (I will link when the sermon is up online.) I realized initially, that I did not trust God with my daily life. I was trusting a godly lifestyle, perhaps, but not God himself. The difference, for those of you who think I am splitting hairs (which I am not doing, by the way), is clear by the fruit of my labors, as well as the state of my heart in moments of testing. First of all, the fruit. I have been increasingly aware of the weight of my burden as a wife and mother of three young children, with many added responsibilities from the church, extended family, and community. Where was I going for strength? Well, truly, I was simply digging in my heels and trying to cope. Now don't miss my point, I was reading my Bible. I wanted to hear from God. But I was not relying on him. I was not motivated to care for others because of how Christ has cared for me (most importantly, his sacrificial death and resurrection). I was using the Bible as a tool to accomplish my own agenda (to relieve the potential guilt of not reading it, for example). I was attacking my children with Bible verses, but not necessarily imparting grace and hope, because I did not rest on those things myself. I was seeking the Holy Spirit, even, so that I could "feel" better, and "experience" God. Again, please don't hear what I am not saying. Those things are good, but my corrupt heart was wrecking their true purpose. If I am not ultimately surrendered to God, and motivated by an understanding of His grace and goodness (a.k.a. the functional gospel), all other work is prideful at the core and is therefore compromised by sin. It is good to seek God. It is good to experience the power of the Holy Spirit, it is good to care for my friends and to speak God's word to my children. What has been missing in all of those things, for me, has been a general reliance on and submission to God. My heart is not fully trusting Him. Now, the second evidence, which came about in the moment of testing, also demonstrated trust not in God or His promises, but in my own abilities. If I am relying on myself for strength and grace in the fiery trials, then I will, with very few exceptions outwardly (and always inwardly) fail. What's in my heart? Rage, selfish ambition, jealousy, hatred, and all sorts of evil things. Now, as a believer, the gospel is also in my heart and with it peace, patience, grace, love, joy, mercy, gentleness and all sorts of good things. So, in moments of testing, which group do I tend to resemble? Well, that helps to discern which part of my heart is governing in those moments. It is easy to confuse quiet with true peace, happiness with true joy, or convenience with the dispensation of grace. And again, God does give us such seasons of rest and peace and convenient life circumstances, they are not evil in of themselves. The trick is that, in those seasons, it is far more difficult to discern where our hearts rest. Have we chosen the rock-solid truth of the gospel? Or have we gone soft and forgotten the depth of our need for a Savior? Nothing brings out the truth like the testing of trials and pain. Or smushy poo all over the otherwise freshly cleaned living room floor...

Jam Time!

Strawberry picking, phase one...Washington Farms.

The whole family came along for the trip to collect 3 gallons worth of strawberries! Here are some pictures of all of us, doing our strawberry picking thing.

The kids were really cute picking and eating and saying "Mom! I found another one! Come look!" We definitely picked waaaay too many, but it was a great time, not too hot that day. I was









Titus and Tabs also took a little time to visit the goats and pump some water.

A New Day

A quick life update:

I have been gardening, here are some pictures:







































Also, I finally got my Sonlight home school curriculum in the mail. Yay! I started on it today with the kids, and it is not nearly as overwhelming as I imagined. So I love that.

We have been doing some "house-cooling" home improvement projects lately, including new shades, new curtains, new attic fan, and the repainting of the side exterior door (from black to white).

Of course, I am knitting, but I can't say what, because it's all gifts for my pregnant friends and family. By the way, I happen to know 9 pregnant people due this summer. Plus a couple of others who are due later on. Fortunately, I am not among them. Yet...

I am trying to take more pictures of things lately. Hopefully, it will inspire me to blog, and I will get some use out of our new camera. I am terrible picture taker. I also don't prefer to be in pictures. On a side note, JM is going to be helping me get over this camera shyness, meaning he will be taking my picture a lot. If he manages to get a good one (where I do not look poopy-frightening and/or extremely uncomfortable) I might blog it. Don't count on it, though. If you forgot what I look like, just pretend I look like Cher, but shorter and less hair. Actually, don't pretend that. Maybe I should post a picture after all. :-)

Finally, I wanted to re-envision my blog's purpose today. The pursuit of God in daily-ness means to me that I want to share with you how I functionally live according to the transforming grace of God by seeking to apply the Gospel to every part of my life. This may not sound exciting, but to me it is and here is why: As a homemaker, mother of three, and small-town American woman, it is easy for me to feel as though my life does not make much difference. In particular, I can feel that as a Christian, I am not really influencing the world for Christ. After all, I am not smuggling Bibles into Sri Lanka or China. I am not serving in disease infested jungles building houses and roads. I am not feeding starving orphans in Africa. I don't even make any money to support these grand missions, because my husband is the one who works. So. It's easy to feel small. But, the amazing truth, and the reason for writing this blog is because those feelings I have from time to time are quite inaccurate. They do not hold up to the test of Biblical truth. God calls me to "walk in a manner worthy of the calling I have received." And he has called me to be the wife and mother that I am, to lay down my plans and dreams and desires for the sake of serving God through my local church. In this there is great fulfillment as my mundane actions of changing diapers, cooking meals, and sweeping the floor become submitted to the will and glory of God. Serving with joy in this life I am called to makes the gospel appealing to those who see. Most importantly, my unbelieving children are affected. Secondly, those within the church who are not saved see this testimony of grace. Finally, the relationships within the community that God sends my way are influenced (though they often do not know it) by the gospel. And when the gospel is my motivation, suddenly the ability to witness to others is greatly increased. If the answer to any question of why I do something is "because of the gospel," how could I help but share this good news with anyone who asks? Of course, the gospel is not meant only for salvation, but also for the purpose of changing my heart daily into the image of Christ. The gospel brings power to overcome sin, and to grow in love with my Savior, Jesus Christ. So, walking out this calling is also for the purpose of edifying the believers in my life, and spurring them on in their walk. Wow! Suddenly, what I am called to is truly meaningful. I am a minister of reconciliation between God and His creation. My simple life carries the weighty responsibility of pointing in every way, to the God who made me and saved me for His glory. How kind of Him to allow even my dirty dishes and hungry children to bring glory to Himself. Praise God, from whom all blessings flow!